
It's happy "What the fuck?" time once again, and this time it's all Nintendo's fault. The president of Nintendo, Satoru Iwata, has made some rather cryptic comments that pretty much amount to the announcement of another new handheld system in the works. Honestly, what the fuck? Is it not enough that there have been four versions of the DS since 2004? Yes, Nintendo has had a history of creating some very good products, but they don't need to constantly be creating them! There was nothing wrong with the original DS when it came out*, but out came the DS Lite after a couple years, and I accepted that. Then came two versions of the DSi, both of which I felt were unnecessary, and now there's going to be another handheld? Are they not happy? Were the sales of the DSi LL/XL/WTF/OMG/RACECAR/BLING/BLING not good enough?
I think it's about time that Nintendo takes a step back to rest upon their laurels a little. There's little chance for Sony's PSP system to dethrone the DS, or else it would've happened already. It's true that the PSP is not going anywhere, but it's also not going to suddenly spike in sales. The PSP Go was given too optimistic a name (I'm ready to start calling it the PSP Gone). Anyone else who tried to break into the handheld gaming market were defeated pretty quickly by Nintendo. Even Apple can't seem to make much headway, even with such exclusives as Square-Enix's Song Summoner: The Unsung Heroes (but then again, Square-Enix has demonstrated that they're willing to work with anyone, so Apple shouldn't feel special).
It's not likely that there are any target audiences left for Nintendo to go after, anyway. The DSi was great for those who like to have a poor quality camera inside their gaming console, the DSi LL was great for those who like to be able to use their handheld console for a spare paperweight in between gaming sessions, and the DS Lite was great for those who have wrists made of paper. Also, entire regions of the world have adopted the DS as if it was an adorable little puppy needing attention. For example, up here in Canada, the Quebecois have supported the DS so much that Nintendo of America automatically puts French on the back of the DS cases now, even on copies being sold to the United States. I highly doubt that anyone in Quebec would appreciate having to buy yet another Nintendo handheld just because another one emerges from the brains of their R&D department.
If a new handheld system must be released, then here's what it requires in order to have my support: a slot for GameBoy games. I'm talking the entire line, including original, Color and Advance titles. It also requires a slot for SD cards. The DSi came with one, so the DS5 (or whatever they call it) should, too. If it is to have two screens (which right now seems highly debatable), then it should also have a DS slot as well, either right next to the SD slot, or above/below it. If Nintendo insists on putting a camera inside their device, then make it at least a 3 megapixel camera. If not, then release a 5 megapixel camera as an add-on, attached probably through the GameBoy slot. Everyone who wants it can have it, everyone else can ignore it. It must also connect to the Internet as painlessly as both the Wii and the PSP does (and, I assume, the PS3 as well; I still don't have one yet or I'd know for sure).
And one last requirement for the DS5: that once it releases, Nintendo does not create any more new hardware for at least the next five years.
Video of the Week
What is your opinion of Taylor Swift? How about Katy Perry? Miley Cyrus? Jason Mraz? Yeah, didn't think you liked them either. So how would you feel about a remix containing all of them? Don't knock it before you try it:
And if you thought that was awesome, I'll give you 2008's mash-up as a bonus, just because it's the new year and I'm feeling generous:
All of a sudden, some of the worst singers imaginable have become listenable. You wouldn't think that you could put Kanye West and Taylor Swift in the same song together without the one butting in and taking over so he can say that Beyonce is the better singer, but it seems to work. I can't wait to see what DJ Earworm comes up with for 2010.
Currently Playing: Final Fantasy VII, the Remake
Mwahahahaha. Okay, that's a little misleading. I'll do it properly this time.
Currently Playing: Final Fantasy VII (NES)
Yes, I'm playing through the NES remake of Final Fantasy VII. A Chinese company did it in secret, without Square-Enix's consent, and released it quietly. Then a fan translated it into English. But I'm giving him or her too much credit when I use the word "translated". The script reads very similarly to the original English translation of the game, which tells me that all they did was type up the original PS1 script and insert it into the game, with a few extra translations added just so that it looks like they made a little bit of effort. It's true that Barret didn't always talk using awful Ebonics in the original game (it wasn't even proper Ebonics, it was a rather miserable attempt at an already poor version of the English language), but I can tell when the fan actually translated stuff and when he just lifted it from the original: there are times in the NES version where Barret talks like a normal person, when he probably should've used Ebonics.
The game itself plays more like a romhack than a completely new build, right down to the recycled graphics (Midgar on the world map looks exactly like the city you started out from in the original Final Fantasy, for example, and Cloud looks like a modified Fighter sprite) and the music stolen not from VII, but from earlier titles. The music from both Final Fantasy II and Final Fantasy III didn't make much of an impression on me, and I can't tell which of them were used in the game to replace VII's music. Maybe both.
Looking Forward To: Avernum VI (PC)
More power to Spiderweb Software for being one of the few developers who are still not only creating games for the Mac, but releasing the Mac version first before they work on the PC version. Sadly, I have only a PC so I will have to wait until March before I would be able to try this game. Also sadly: I have not yet played a single Avernum game, but given that I've played some of the old Exile series, I've had some experience in the world of Avernum so far.
The Avernum series is a remake of the Exile trilogy, which then continued the story in a trilogy of original games, and the prospect of playing through another critically acclaimed long series of video games just makes me tingle with joy.
*Okay, there are two major things wrong with the original DS, but I don't care about the one (from what I understood, I would have to change my router settings completely if I want to connect my DS to the Internet). The other major problem is that the power button is located just above the direction pad. It's entirely possible to fight a tough boss, then after a moment's break, reach for the direction pad and hit the power instead. It's only happened to me a few times, but enough to make it an issue. The DS Lite fixed that problem.



Square Enix is slowly revealing more information on Final Fantasy Gaiden: 4 Warriors of Light via the main website, and one of the updates consists of new videos now on
Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
Glory of Heracles
Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky
Picross 3D
Examples of Damage Control in Gaming is a weekly (well, ideally) feature where we
look at the past and present of damage control done relating to video
games from within the industry and outside it. While it will present an
informative look at a particular topic, each entry will also be
opinionated as well.
You're most likely aware that
Yeah, I don't think an
A






While everyone sane on the internet was attempting to keep their expectations low for the Game Developers Conference (because, you know, it's not E3 here), Nintendo decided to pull back the curtain to


First is a good one for the Europeans. At their press event earlier this month, Nintendo of America announced Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon for DS, and said that it would release in the US in the first half of 2009. That's great, right? Well, it wasn't so great for gamers in North America when the game was announced for a European release shortly afterwards, and given a release date of December 5th. That definitely means we're getting it last. But Europe is always used to getting the shaft, so see this as a way of the company giving back.
There's also the matter of Disaster: Day of Crisis, a game that just released in Japan and hits Europe next Friday, October 24. This one is much more puzzling, as the game is already in English, and was definitely tailored towards a Western audience, yet a US version hasn't been announced yet.The fact that it wasn't even mentioned at the aforementioned press conference is even more mind-boggling. But there's still hope that it will come to the US, even though it's looking more bleak as time goes by.
But hey! Nintendo of America still has your back. The game pictured above is Kirby Super Star Ultra, the remake of the superlative 1996 SNES game Kirby Super Star. Note that the game released in the US on September 22, while it doesn't release in Japan until November 6. Additionally, it doesn't even have a European date yet.
You've probably heard the announcement, and
It certainly isn't as big of a leap as the DS to the DS Lite, that's for sure.


