Results tagged “reviews”

Puzzle Quest 2 - Yet More Bejeweled Battles

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Note: this is a review of the PC version that was released on Steam earlier this month

Lo and behold, as soon as the world was starting to get sick of Konami's Puzzle Chronicles, Namco has released Puzzle Quest 2 onto Xbox 360, DS, and now Steam.  It seems the world has fallen in love with games where you match three icons together to tell a story.

This entry in the genre is probably the first that I've seen that qualifies as a sequel, and yet it's more a sequel in the Final Fantasy way than in the God of War way, especially if you consider it's actually the third Puzzle Quest game and not the second.

First of all, Puzzle Quest 2 navigates very differently than the first one.  In the first Puzzle Quest, characters wandered around a world map that resembled a Final Fantasy Tactics map: there were set paths around the world that your character had to follow, and they occasionally ran into monsters that they had to kill by swapping gems around and matching them.  In Puzzle Quest 2, the original system was thrown out in favour of a Torchlight-style isometric view of the world.  There is only one city in Puzzle Quest 2, as opposed to the number of cities in the first game, and instead of selecting options from a menu (which seems to be a staple in games these days), your character can actually navigate around the city manually.  Thanks to this system, the world feels more open and explorable than in the first game.

As for the battle system, thy couldn't call it Puzzle Quest and change the battle system, could they?  So in Puzzle Quest 2, the battle system returns.  Players match three coloured gems to build their mana pool up, and when they have enough power saved up, they can then unleash a spell to attack their opponent or increase their own defense, etc.  The board also contains skulls, which inflict damage upon the opponent when matched, and new action gems which build up action points just like coloured gems build up mana points and can be used to inflict physical damage when enough of them are saved up.  The big difference between physical damage and magical damage is that it's possible for physical damage to become critical if you're lucky enough for the game's random number generator to roll in your favour.  If four gems are matched, the player is granted an extra turn and if five are matched, an extra turn is awarded and a wild gem is added to the board.  If the player is lucky and enough of a chain reaction is triggered, it becomes a Heroic Effort, which grants bonus experience and an extra turn, and places a wild gem on the board.

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OMGWTFPOLARBEAR!

But speaking of the random number generator, it seems like some of the enemies curry favour with it.  It's like supernatural luck is a racial bonus for the Imp, for example.  How I hated them with a passion.  Sometimes, they seemed to know exactly what they had to do to set a Heroic Effort in motion, and they would do it each time.  But: while other reviewers seem to think that the computer is a cheating bastard (they claim it knows what gems are coming next and can plan ahead), I think that the AI programmed into the game is supernaturally lucky and at the same time dumb as a sack of doorknobs.  I cannot count how many times the AI was able to pull an awesome move out of its ass and find a way to dominate the board far longer than it should've, only for it to ignore some of the more obvious moves and do something stupid and futile in the very next turn.  Certain enemies had healing abilities that required pieces drawn from the board, and I actually saw them try to use it when none of the gems it needed were present to be taken.  Quite obviously, they healed themselves for 0 HP.

Also, I found that I couldn't always trust the helpful hint that the game automatically provides.  Oh, I could trust it when it was pointing out where I could match four or five gems, but when it was suggesting a regular three gem match, I found that more often than not, it was suggesting a move that would set the enemy up for something nice.  It's as if the game only hinted the four and five gem matches because it was obligated to, not because it wanted to, and got revenge by hindering me whenever possible.  At one point, I tried setting the hint to wait a while before showing up, just because I felt the game was too easy with it, but short of turning it off completely, it seems to show up whenever it wants to, no matter if you asked it to show up right away or after some time has passed.

I don't know what the appeal is in PC RPGs to completely randomize what equipment shows up in shops and in treasure chests.  I didn't even visit the weapon and armour shops in this game, and didn't try shopping at the blacksmith's, either.  If I happened to pick up a piece of equipment that was better than what I previously had, then I equipped it and sold the old piece.  That's about it.  The only money I spent was when I went to improve my equipment at the aforementioned blacksmith's.

The first game made you play mini-games to do everything.  And I mean everything.  If I wanted to use the blacksmith's, I had to play a match-three mini-game.  If I wanted to learn a spell from a captured enemy, I had to play a pre-set match-three mini-game.  Etc.  This time around, the blacksmith does his thing automatically.  I still learn spells in a pre-set match-three mini-game, but the puzzles seem easier this time around.  Or maybe I was just more patient when I solved them all.  I don't know.  New match-three mini-games involve picking locks, bashing down doors, magically unlocking doors, and searching the room for hidden traps, gold, or ambushes.  It's like the developers realized that the original mini-games were too much of a hassle to play and came up with some better ones instead.  Not only that, but they're more forgiving this time around.  Winning or losing a mini-game is now determined by whether or not you run out of turns before your objective is met.  In the first game, if you reached a position on the board where you could no longer make a move, you lost the mini-game.  The one exception is the treasure mini-game.  If you run out of moves, then you've taken all the treasure you can get, and the mini-game is declared over.

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Lies!

Most of the 50-60 hours it takes to finish the game will be taken up with gem matching, and that's quite a long time to spend in any one battle system, especially when it takes about five to ten minutes to kill enemies late in the game.  If the music gets boring, and it's bound to get boring, it's probably a good idea to turn it off and listen to something else for a while.  The boss music is kinda epic, but more like LARPer epic rather than Sephiroth epic, so you're not missing much if you do decide you'd much rather match gems with Guns & Roses playing in the background.  I'm just happy that the game isn't ugly, too, even if the story is a basic bad guys doing bad things story.  Music, you can turn off.  Graphics... not so much.

I won't spend much time on the multiplayer aspects, but will mention that there are some.  Unfortunately, and I really should address this one of these days, I can be quite the antisocial gamer.  I rarely play so-called "party" games, I've Wii Bowled a grand total of three times, and my last foray into MMORPGland lasted one day.  I stopped going to Yahoo! Games years ago, same with Pogo after they got rid of my favourite game there, and I've recently turned down an invitation to download and play Left 4 Dead 2 with some of my very best friends.  If you're wondering whether the multiplayer mode in Puzzle Quest 2 is any good, I would advise you to try it yourself.

Would I recommend this game?  Maybe.  If you're a die-hard fan of the match three genre and love playing through games with stories attached to them, then this game will keep you happy until the next company puts out their own version.  But if you've grown sick and tired of the genre and just wish it would roll over and die already, the new Kingdom Hearts prequel drops in about a week and a half, and I can guarantee, you won't be matching gems to power the keyblade.
Header Toradora.jpgNow, word of mouth is oftentimes a good way to get a good idea of how good or bad something is, whether that may be a series, movie, game, or product.  Raves are showered upon pros, and boos or casual mentions are rained onto the cons.  When a series gets near universal praise, I oftentimes have curiosity set in, but sometimes curiosity brings in doubt and skepticism as houseguests.

Toradora! has been pretty widely regarded as excellent, a brilliant concoction of characters, romance, and humor, refreshing yet still full of room for interpretation.  However, upon looking at the premise of this romantic comedy, I had an uneasy feeling the series would be like the next Haruhi Suzumiya to me, a series where I would blanch at the excessive amounts of hype that surround it.  The plot is simple enough:  Takasu Ryuuji and Aisaka Taiga, two students whose personalities grind gears with each other in every single way possible, form an alliance to help each other obtain a significant other, their counterpart's best friend.  Throughout the series, another more unexpected romance starts to blossom.

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Ryuuji the dragon and Taiga the Palmtop Tiger don't exactly get along when they first meet.

Now, in a romance series, the characters and their chemistry with each other are the bread and butter to the series' enjoyability.  Unfortunately, below the surface of the characters' personalities, the complex nature that is necessary to build up the depth of the series is rather disappointing.  An attempt is made to portray Taiga as an unfortunate result of a happily negligent father, which does work to an extent.  Unfortunately, the emotional detachment that she displays towards her father lacks depth- it's not hatred, it's not anger (Taiga reserves that feeling towards her mother), but it's portrayed more of a supervisor-employee disconnect rather than a parent-child disconnect.  On a day-to-day basis, Taiga is oftentimes unbearably textbook tsundere.  One minute she can get into a tantrum that makes toddlers wince, the next minute she's huddled in the kitchen in anticipation of an F5 tornado.  The transition is extraordinarily quick, and both sides attempt to portray depth, but come off as lackluster due to the speed in which she transitions.  Finally, her attitude and voice towards any subject comes off more middle school than high school.

Ryuuji fares a bit better, complete with a good heart, good cooking and cleaning skills, and an attempt at trying to get past his looks, which say "I'm a gang member."  But don't expect a clone of Ichigo Kurosaki here.  Instead, his development, along with the development of many other secondary characters, is stagnated due to simplistic dialogue, as if the scriptwriters only had a middle-school vocabulary and sentence structure.  Even the family bird (a green parakeet named Inko-chan) has better vocabulary.  If only he didn't look like he was choking on something all the time.  Ryuuji's introverted nature, which makes him seem flat and dull, isn't doing him any favors, either, and attempts at coming out, while not all utter failures, merely amount to nothing higher than a C+, and this weakness is only slightly improved upon by the end of the series.

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The attempts at humor and secondary characters (Kitamura on left, Minorin center and right) are middling at best.

I attempted to try and find a liking in the secondary characters, specifically Kushieda Minorin (Ryuuji's crush and Taiga's best friend) and Kitamura Yuusaku (Taiga's crush and Ryuuji's best friend).  Unfortunately, I was disappointed yet again.  Minorin's eccentricities do provide some entertainment, such as working multiple jobs and a happy-go-lucky personality that can come off as air-headedness, but again, depth, dialogue, and a lack of complexities conspire against her.  The same applies for Kitamura, whose comes off as a cardboard cutout of an academic overachiever with socialization issues.  The characters become less likable as I branched out further from the two wishful relationships.  A later addition to the quartet is Kawashima Ami, a model with an absolutely rotten personality.  An individual who is afraid of expressing her true thoughts and feelings, she nonetheless manages to come across as a condescendingly rich snob with absolutely no backbone when she opens her mouth.  Another dislikeable character is Yasuko Ryuuji, Takasu's young mother, who oftentimes would rather be fed by her son, drunk, and asleep rather than helping her son succeed.  While this gives character kudos to Ryuuji for being self-sufficient, it really drives down the likeability of Yasuko.  Her constant whining makes her feel like Takasu's toddler sister or daughter, and her ditzy smiling makes her look like she's high on LSD.  She does display a caring side, but this side plays a secondary rather than primary role in Ryuuji's life, and does little to offset how she is the other 80% of the time.

Aside from the below-par character development, the plot and day-to-day events make the series have an episodic rather than linear feel, with the romance and attempted proposals occurring in the background.  While the development is there, the romance and interactions amongst characters is vague and you have to feel and search for it.  This weakens the theme and is disappointing considering that the romance should play a front-and-center role here.  The events that further each relationship stepping stone push it forward jerkily, leading to an expression of applause or disappointment when the event is reached, but the path towards it is lined with jagged conversations that drag and expressions of frustrations asking for events that are long overdue to occur.  The effects of the events also seem to be short -lived, and oftentimes the characters themselves are forced back to square one and the entire dreadful cycle starts over again.

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The emotion you get from the major events wears out rather quickly.  Most of the series the main question is "Who will he [Ryuuji] end up with?"

Thus, I found myself riding on a rollercoaster of emotions getting through this anime, from hatred to apathy to approval.  There were characters who deserve nothing less than a punch in the face, while others whom I would seriously recommend go and spend several hours at a therapist's office.  But none of the characters in Toradora rise above middle-of-the road for me, which is a disappointment since this is a romance anime first and foremost.  Not even the humor could sway me from the lackluster plot and character development.  I'll give the producers credit for trying, but the series is nothing to gush over.  It's not a complete bore, but its inconsistency in terms of thought put into the story lead to some high moments offset by plenty of mediocre and low points.  The boxset has just been released, but to me, the series is only worthy of consideration either borrowed from a friend, rented from Netflix, or at most bought secondhand.

NieR -- Fathers Be Good To Your Daughters

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A snowy landscape, an empty and ruined city, a father protecting his daughter.  Amazing ethereal music.  The opening of the game made it seem like I would be playing in a near future setting with a bleak atmosphere contributing to the desperation of the characters.  In a world brought to the brink of despair and destruction, how far would one man go to save his ailing daughter?  The love of a father shines through in NieR.

Right after the tutorial-style scene was over, my character suddenly woke up in a typical fantasy setting, and although he was still taking care of his ailing daughter, I felt ripped off.  Where was my snowy, bleak apocalypse?  What happened to the cold, the despair, the desperation?  How can you ever duplicate that kind of atmosphere in a fantasy setting?

NieR is a game about a man whose daughter has come down with a mysterious illness, and as any father would, he's ready to tear down heaven and hell to make her well again.  Along the way, he helps out the villagers whenever they have a problem that they can't handle on their own.

During the course of the story, NieR... well, I'm assuming he's called NieR, since you get to rename him and he has no default name, and the instruction manual only refers to him as The Father.  Anyway, during the course of the story, NieR... well, I lost my train of thought now.  Don't you hate that, when you're on one track of thought and suddenly you go off on a tangent and you lost what you were originally doing?  NieR is like that.  There are so many different elements of game play, depending on where you go in the game, that it feels hard to classify it as any one genre.  It's generally an RPG, but there are 2-D platforming elements that occur seemingly at random in the game, a text adventure that comes out of nowhere and takes over the game like a virus, a rather deceptive survival horror section, even a section of the game that seemed to play similar to the top-down RPGs from a decade or so ago... it's like each member of the development team had their own idea of what the game should be and when they brought it all to the table, the director just said "Yes" to everything.

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Oh, and did I mention the bullet hell portions?

Most of these ideas were implemented well.  2-D platforming helped the character navigate through sections of the game where the standard behind-the-character perspective would've only hindered progress.  The text portion of the game seemed to actually fit the story this time around, rather than feel shoehorned in by an inadequate budget.  Square might have learned from their mistake after they robbed Xenogears to pay for Final Fantasy VIII, but I suppose it's possible that NieR was also underfunded and the developers just aren't saying so.

The worst part of the game by far was Emil's mansion.  That part of the game played like a survival horror.  Thing is, when survival horror got its start on the PS1, the best that anyone could do with the technology that was available at the time was to render stills and switch between them when the character moved through a room.  The problem with that was that your perspective changed, but the character's did not.  Disoriented gamers would move their analog stick and end up veering the character in an entirely different direction than the one the gamer wanted.  It was an awful control scheme and it's a wonder that the survival horror genre managed to live beyond its rocky start.

Well, for better or for worse, Emil's mansion adopts this control scheme, and it's awful.  I especially hated when the game switched to a different still and I adjusted my walking angle out of reflex and ended up going back to the previous still, then adjusted again and went back to the next, and so on for a few seconds.  I'm awfully glad that there weren't any enemies that needed to be killed at the time.  (I had that same problem in Heavy Rain, but neglected to mention it.)  If there had been, I probably would've burned through all of my herbs and other healing items while trying to sort out the horrible controls.

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Boot to the head!

And that's another thing.  Inventory limits are severe in this game, and it makes the early portions of the game especially difficult.  The game actually gets easier, the longer you play,  That in itself is ridiculous.  Once you get past a certain level, your HP will suddenly increase in leaps and bounds, and will render the end game pretty easy.  Generally, this isn't supposed to happen.  Games aren't supposed to get easier as time goes by, they're supposed to get more challenging.  It still sucks, no matter how high a level you are, when you can barely carry more than ten of each healing item with you, and you already have as many as you can carry but keep finding more in the field.  Not only can you not take the extras with you when you need them, but you'll end up running out in areas of the game where they're scarce.  At that point, the only way you'll survive is if you've gained enough levels so that your HP will skyrocket and you won't need to heal for a while.  To add insult to injury, any other item you can acquire in the game, you can carry 99 of them.  So 99 nuggets of Gold Ore, 99 Tree Branches, 99 Dented Metal Bats, 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall, 99 Red Balloons* ...and 10 Medicinal Herbs.  What, are you yanking them out of the ground by the roots?  Do you have to carry herb trees around?  Is that why you can only carry 10 with you?  I had no idea a Medicinal Herb was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Bottom line: certain portions of the game handled like drunk monkeys due to a poor decision by the developers.  They also accidentally turned the difficulty curve upside down.  The game promised one setting, then switched me to a generic-type setting for the remainder of the game.  The inventory system was inconsistent.  Oh, and I absolutely loved the game.

What's to love about it?  The battle system is quick and easy, to the point where you could probably just run around killing things for hours and not feel like you wasted an afternoon.  Another point in its favour: you don't have to spend thirty hours learning everything about the battle system (Final Fantasy XIII and Resonance of Fate, I'm looking at you).  The music set the mood well, especially the sleepy town-style music in the village of... Village.  It really is just called The Village.  Anyway, I loved the music in the game, and once the first half of the game ends (rather spectacularly, I might add), the feeling I got from the start of the game came back and stuck with me until the very end.

The story is also well written and rather daring for an RPG.  This is the kind of story I never thought I'd see in a video game.  It's deep, it's just... deep.  I wish I could tell you how it's deep, but I'd be spoiling the game somewhat fierce.  Let's just say that you need to play the game twice, then let out a good "My God, what have I done?"  Then play again, because there'll still be more to see.  I just want to give special mention to the side quests featuring the old lady in the lighthouse.  I think that was the closest I've come to crying over a video game since the "You're Not Alone" scene in Final Fantasy IX.

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This game contains more blood than God!

In the end, I'm going to go as far as saying that NieR deserves to be known as this console generation's Xenogears.  I certainly can't think of any RPG of the current generation that even came close to what NieR has done.  Depending on what's left this year, and depending on how good Dragon Quest IX and Kingdom Hearts: Birth By Sleep are, NieR might end up being my RPG of the year. 



*At least one of these items is a joke, and doesn't actually appear in the game.

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Now, at the end of Gundam 00 Season 1, which is reviewed here,  it's pretty clear the series was opening up plotlines to delve into for the next season rather than wrapping things up nicely in a bowtie.  Having only seen Gundam series that consisted of around 50 episodes and being impressed by 00's excellent characters, action, and complex plot, I was expecting Season 2 to answer some of the main questions that lingered from season 1 while retaining the aspects that made the first season so enjoyable.

First impressions are positive, and the series started out with a lot of potential.  The main characters, especially the 4 Meisters, were reintroduced very well, preserving the characteristics they were known for and offering a slightly different side of their personality.  A good move, since a Gundam series with lousy protagonists is simply not worth watching.  The reintroduction is a natural evolution occurring in the 5 years which separate the two seasons.  Setsuna has become much more mature and assertive, while Tieria has shed much more of his previously condescending nature.  Some characters, among them Louise Harvey and Wang Liu Ming, did evolve for the worse, but this is necessary to create the strife needed for the story to build.

Resized 3.jpgPopping pills to keep your sanity is a sign that you've evolved for the worse.

A third major faction known as the Innovators is introduced as trying to continue with Aeolia Schoenberg's incomplete plan, while the 3 previous major world powers, now unified under the Earth Sphere Federation, is trying to preserve law and order through the corrupt A-Laws organization.  Due to the corruption within the A-Laws and behind-the-scenes actions of the Innovators, the story builds quickly, and because of the evolved characters' personalities, one gets an excellent combination of morality, motivation, righteousness, and action.  Pair that up with very detailed animation and solid character chemistry not only amongst Celesial Being but amongst minor characters as well, I settled down for what I thought would be another A+ anime like its predecessor.  However, around halfway into the series, cracks started to form in what had started out as the perfect handoff from Code Geass R2, which previously held 00 Season 2's time slot.

The first problem is with the Innovators, where the producers and storywriters made the same mistake that swallowed the Knights of Rounds in Code Geass R2.  The transitions amongst all main factions aren't as awkward as in Code Geass R2, but this doesn't make up much for the fact that the secondary antagonists suffer from a severe case of character underdevelopment.  For the Innovators, each member perhaps get a few lines in the entire series, and dialogue amongst them is rare, so names, appearances, and personalities feel plastered on and eventually fall off.  Each one is portrayed as "Ribbon's subordinate" rather than as their own self.  Also puzzling are their names, most of which are just random words from a dictionary.

The same case of character underdevelopment also holds true for one Meister, Allelujah Haptism, though to a much lesser extent.  In Allelujah's case, his character has been inadvertently pushed into the backseat, grown considerably softer, and whose confidence has waned after his fate at the end of season 1.  While I can understand his reasons for softening up, the fact he gets a much lesser amount of character development and screen time can't be overlooked.  The reintroduction of his alter-ego Hallelujah is welcome but was too sudden and clumsily done.  The underdevelopment of Allelujah is a tradeoff for an extreme overdevelopment of the main protagonist Setsuna F Seiei, who for season 2 plays a much larger "front and center" role as protagonist and ace pilot.  While each Meister receives an improved version of their previous Gundam in season 2, Setsuna's overpowered replacement, 00 Gundam, with all the extra accessories, just exemplifies the overattention paid to him not only as a person, but also as a pilot.  Don't get me wrong, Setsuna's a great character, but having him portrayed as the ace card in every battle is detrimental to the series as a whole.  00 should take a leaf out of Wing's book in this sense.

00 Raiser Ahead.jpgSetsuna's replacement for Gundam Exia, the Gundam 00, here with 0-Raiser attached and taking out an A-Laws Ahead unit

Despite a presence in season 1 and taking on the role of primary antagonist in season 2, the head of the Innovators, Ribbons Almark, presents an even bigger problem.  As an antagonist, one usually portrays a certain aura and has a certain plan to achieve one's goals.  For Ribbons, bits and pieces of his plan are revealed throughout the series, but that is all the viewer has to work with and one is always hoping for more details or references to what was revealed in season 1.  The foundation of the plan is poorly explained and developed, and when one plot hole gets filled, three more pop up.  Sure, there are plenty of twists and turns, as Ribbons pushes his lackeys out at Celestial Being to keep them off track.  But in doing so, he portrays himself as a puppetmaster and disconnects himself completely from the story, always taking the easy way out by having someone else do his work.  When he receives word of a setback or a failed plan, he annoyingly reacts with complete ambivalence and comes up with new plans so grandiose that one wonders where he receives the money.  It's as if he doesn't care about anything, from his subordinates, his plan, his possession of Mobile Suits, or control of the Veda supercomputer.  His expression in most of the series is of a half-grin, with absolutely no emotional or frustrated outbursts at all, which combined with a monotone voice 80% of the time he speaks leads to a dull, flat personality.

Gundam 00 Innovators.jpgRibbons Almark, the head of the Innovators group, sitting on his signature magenta couch.  From left to right in the back:  Regene Regetta, Healing Care, Devine Nova, Bring Stabity, Revive Revival.

It wasn't until 2/3 of the way into the series when plot problems began to crop up.  Plot buildup until this point was rather good, but at 2/3 of the way into a series, one usually expects key events to begin happening, stunning revelations, or a buildup to the final battle.  Instead of providing more details on Aeolia's original plan and Ribbon's attempt to make it reality or advancing key character relationships, the story repeats itself by having a second version of the Memento Mori, a superweapon which was destroyed several episodes previously.  The plot also finds time to shoehorn in a hastily-developed romance between Mary-Sue Anew Returner and Meister Lockon Stratos, whose previously charming personality now has been diluted with a serious inferiority complex.  The fact his loyalty, ability, and motives are oftentimes called into question doesn't earn him many points either, and leads him to becoming a lightning rod for criticism and hatred.  Whether the producers were distracted or tried cramming too much material into too few episodes is debatable, but what's clear is that the time they had for the last third of the series could have been better utilized.  Nonetheless, by the last episode, while some loose ends are tied up, the series manages to end with more plot holes and unanswered questions than season 1, and it's a miracle the last 3 episodes don't feel too rushed.  It was a huge sigh of relief knowing that a movie, Awakening of the Trailblazer, comes to Japan this September.

Despite several huge flaws, Gundam 00 Season 2 is still a viable watch.  It's not a complete disaster that destroys the good aspects its predecessor had like Gundam Seed Destiny because it does start out well and has a clear sense of direction.  The problem is that partway into the execution, it began to falter and just struggled to redeem itself.  Whether this was because it tried to cram in too much material or the producers got distracted, the second season should be viewed as a stepping stone to the movie, which hopefully cures at least the plot holes and the unbalanced character development, while still keeping the aspects which made the series enjoyable.  How long before it comes to the United States and what sort of release it will get remains to be seen, but it will be something for 00 fans to surely look forward to.  To hold off on the movie release, the first boxset for season 2 was released on April 6 this year, and look for the second boxset on July 6.  Otherwise, these will have to suffice:







All images are mine except for the third one, which is courtesy of Wikipedia

Heavy Rain -- Losing My Mind Is Easy To Do... Where Are You?

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I'm sure gamers are sick and tired of reading Heavy Rain reviews that say that Heavy Rain is a hard game to review.  Well, you know, if gamers are into reading as many reviews as they can of a game.  Anyway, I'm here to say: it's true.  Game reviewers aren't just making excuses for not understanding the game: it really is a hard game to classify.  It plays less like a video game and more like a Choose Your Own Adventure book with quicktime events.  The way the game is set up, it's like you're watching a movie where you occasionally add your own input as to where you go and what you do.

Quicktime events have gotten a bad rap in gaming, and for good reason.  It's a cheap way to fight an enemy: instead of using skills or combos or intelligent use of a menu to defeat bad guys, you're pushing buttons at certain times.  For example, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed incorporated them to add cool finishing moves to boss fights, but there were a few fights that I was handling well enough without needing to use a finishing move.  Naturally, I messed up the finishing move and was suddenly a lot worse off, tactically.  Sometimes you don't need to do something fancy, you just need to pull the chain around your fat and ugly captor's neck and strangle him until he is dead.  Fortunately, Heavy Rain is a little more forgiving when it comes to quicktime.  Mess up on a few buttons and you might take a hit or two in a fight, but you can still win.  It's quicktime for dummies.  It's also completely necessary in this context.

Say what?  Necessary quicktime?  Yeah, the game uses a few design choices that necessitate the use of quicktime.  The game is presented like a movie, so the action is rarely from a truly first person perspective.  Scenes where a player gains full control of a character are presented in a traditional over-the-shoulder view like most JRPGs have been doing lately, and controls are contextual, depending on what you're doing and which character you're controlling.  Meanwhile, action scenes (chases, fights, etc.) are presented in a cinematic style and a player is only given a split second to react to the required input before a less desirable outcome occurs.  Enough of those can potentially cause a player to fail the scene, but it would depend on the scene.

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I'm blue, da ba de...

The game frequently autosaves, as if each choice you make and each action you perform is an important one.  Even making eggs is important!  It ties in to the trophy system, where you can earn trophies for accomplishing various objectives in the game.  Some scenes award multiple trophies for the exact same activity, but for different results.  As such, this game is meant to be replayed multiple times in order to get all the trophies, unlike games like Final Fantasy XIII where you can earn all the trophies in one playthrough, including content available to you after the end credits, if you spend hundreds of hours playing the game.

Unfortunately, the trophies are pretty much the only replay value Heavy Rain has.  The overall story remains exactly the same every time; it and the quicktime events are all the game really has.  It's like you're reading a book.  Once you figure out who the Origami Killer is, there's no surprise the second or third time around.  However, there's an important point to bring up: games like Breath of Fire and Super Mario World don't have multiple endings.  Games like Final Fantasy X and Starfox Adventures don't have multiple story branches.  And yet, when people play these games, they play them because they like the story and they like the game play.  That could certainly be the case for fans of the game, since there isn't any other real reason to replay Heavy Rain unless you like seeing 100% in your list of trophies, and also since game play does not require more than the skill required to press what buttons the game tells you to press at certain times in the scene, and even then you can get away with messing up until near the end of the game.


I think screen shots do not do this game justice, so here's some actual game play

Occasionally, you're given a choice between a few different ways to handle a scene, and if you don't make a choice, the character will either do nothing and let something happen, or they'll do what they're more likely to do.  In one case, when I was presented with a decision whether to take a narcotic or not, I was not given the option to stop my character from taking it.  Oh, it was there, but the game seemed to purposely hide it from view until it was too late to make a decision, and he ended up taking the narcotic.  I was not happy, to say the least.

What's funny is that my favourite part of the game is the tiny little detail that the writers included in one of the scenes, where a character is commenting about music she doesn't like.  She still gets the sub-genre right!  The music wasn't half bad either, so that was a bonus.  Thanks to the music, I actually felt like I was in peril for most of the game, even though death wasn't really a consequence until the end.  There was one major thing that I had a problem with until the end, but I can't really mention it without spoiling pretty much the entire point of the game, and I've probably risked spoiling it already for the more clever gamers out there who may be able to figure out exactly what I'm talking about if they play through the first few chapters of the game.  I'll just say that I was not disappointed in what I thought I was disappointed in.

The characters themselves are played well, and it's obvious that a lot of work was put into the visuals and the control scheme in order to get everything perfect.  The character models are very well done, right down to the smallest of details that the game rams down your throat every time it's loading a new chapter: one of the character's faces is presented up close on the television screen and you can see the texture of their skin.  Not only that, but whoever designed the game seems to be able to construct a nude female well enough that she looked realistic and not like those unrealistic characters you see in games like Final Fantasy VII (mostly fixed in the sequels), Tomb Raider and Dead or Alive Xtreme 2.  I never liked seeing top heavy characters or characters whose breasts each had their own physics equation.  I imagine if life were like DOA, those breasts would hurt after a while.

Heavy Rain takes place about a year and a half into the future while including game play mechanics that depend on technology suddenly leaping ahead by at least thirty years, I'll say forty, maybe fifty years.  I mean, come on.  CSI sunglasses?  (No, not Horatio's.)  And don't tell me that it's secret FBI science that is highly classified and we're not allowed to see it.  Why haven't we noticed agents wandering around crime scenes with sunglasses and a weird glove, pushing at the air with it, looking for clues?  Because it doesn't exist.  It won't exist in a year and a half.  It's a bit of a break in the reality of the story, yet I'll give this to them, even though I think they could've just as easily used current forensic science and adapted it for the game.

Anyway, this review has been hard to write, and has been very long coming.  Heavy Rain is one of those games that does things well, but is hard to quantify.  I think it would've been easier if the game had been crappy, but it's not.  It's an interesting experience and is definitely worth a rent, since you can easily play through the story at least once within the space of a rental, and you'll still get the trophy for supporting interactive drama.

Hey, wait a minute.  Aren't all games "interactive"?

*Note: this review is written after playing Heavy Rain on an easier setting.  Certain statements may not be true of the game on a harder setting.
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It's been years since I last played a Breakout-style game.  I was raised on an Arkanoid clone called Bananoid, although the copy I had seemed to have a problem with crashing after beating the last level.  Then I graduated to DX-Ball, which even had a level editor that could be used to create new layouts.  Since 1998, I've failed to try out any new Breakout-style games, and when I finally decided to try Ricochet Infinity, I realized just how much I've missed in the decade since DX-Ball was first released.

Now, this may sound like dubious praise to say that compared to a twelve-year-old game (which was nine years old at the time), Ricochet Infinity is awesome, but I really think it is.  There may be other games in the genre that did everything this game does, so it would seem unfair to heap lots of praise upon this game alone.  However, Ricochet Infinity can't be faulted for doing stuff well in one of the genres that's shown very little relative progress since it was first established.  Unlike the action game, the flying sim or the RPG, all of which turned 3-D as soon as they could, the Breakout genre has kept both paddles firmly planed in its 2-D origins.

I don't feel like making fun of the screen shots this time, so I won't.
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The first few levels are just straight-up Breakout-style gameplay.  You have your paddle and your brick-shaped bricks and you use the paddle to keep the ball in play; if the ball passes through the bottom of the screen, you lose a life (here represented by extra balls), and if you lose all remaining lives, the game is over.  Like most Breakout-style games, Ricochet Infinity is forgiving enough to let you continue from the level you lost, although you have to start the level over.  An interesting addition to this game is the five golden rings in each level, which you collect to earn better player ranks.  The higher the rank, the more different ships and ball designs you unlock.  You keep all rings you've collected even if you lose the game.  If you want to replay a level you've already finished, golden rings you already collected in the level become silver rings and still earn you points.

Another feature of the game is the Recall feature, which lets you call the ball back towards your paddle.  In many cases, it can also be used to give the ball an extra nudge towards that last brick or ring that's left on the screen.  I found Recall to be very handy in certain situations, and it's far better than the insulting way that other games in the genre eliminate the last brick for you if you take too long.  It's like they're saying, "It's taken you this long and you still haven't finished the level?  I can't be bothered to wait any longer."  Instead, Ricochet Infinity feels a lot friendlier, giving you the Recall option right from the start and making it a part of the gameplay rather than the last resort to finish a level.

There is also a two-player mode, where two people can get in on the action, playing on the same screen albeit with separate scores for each player.

Actually, I'll make fun of this one.
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OMG RACECAR BLING BLING!

When all of a sudden I found myself having to break bricks that were not shaped like bricks at all, I realized that I've missed quite a lot of progress in the genre.  Not only that, but the higher levels also feature gimmicks like bricks swimming or crawling past the screen  on one side and returning on the other.  Then there's the levels that include hidden bricks, which you must reveal using various means provided to you by the level.  In extreme cases, the motion of your paddle can reveal hidden bricks!  The way that the game ramps up difficulty is much appreciated.  In other games I played, it seemed like the only difficulty offered by a level was whether or not the bricks were placed closer to your paddle.

There are other features like the traps that change your ball or the barriers that restrict your ball's movements, but I've gotta leave a few surprises.

The music was pleasant to listen to, but the game offers a very welcome option: you can turn off the music and play your own.  I remember getting used to hearing the Afro Celt Sound System whenever I played Zuma, to the point where I thought of them as the unofficial Zuma soundtrack.  With Ricochet Infinity, it just happened that I played a lot of Deep Forest music in the background.  Either of them would do well making soundtracks, in my opinion, because their music goes so well with games.

Not everything in the game is to the player's benefit.  The game just wouldn't be as fun a game unless there were things that wanted to kill you.  In Ricochet Infinity, there are alien ships that occasionally infect bricks.  You eliminate the ships just like you would eliminate bricks.  But beware: if you don't deal with the ships, the bricks they infect stay infected.  An infected brick will speed up the ball temporarily, which may mean bad news for you.  Also, while some bricks can reveal bonuses and augments for your paddle and/or ball, beware the detrimental bonuses.  Just like you can make the ball go slower with one bonus, another will make it go faster.  One bonus will shrink your ship, one will freeze it, but nothing is as evil as the missile.  Once dropped, if it hits your ship, you lose a life.  Sometimes the enemy ships will also drop missiles, which must also be avoided at all costs.

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The game also comes with kind of an expansion set called The Delta Quadrant, which simply consists of more levels that weren't put in the original level set.  Once unlocked, those levels shouldn't take too long to finish either.  The two level sets represent the Ricochet in the title.  The Infinity part kicks in once you connect the game to the Internet, where there are literally hundreds of level sets created by users around the world (1939 as of this writing).  The day before I wrote this review, I downloaded and played through an Easter-themed level set that had been uploaded the day before that, and it was pretty well done.  After finishing, you get the option of rating the levels and adding tags to help other people find it.  I think I was the one who added the tags to the set, if I recall correctly.  I played through about three or four user-generated sets and added tags to some of them, one of which had no tags yet, but I can't remember which.  Considering how many level sets there are that are rated A+, A, and A-, there's quite a lot of new and unique gameplay left for those who finish the main game.

Ricochet Infinity is available through their main website and also through Steam.  With the original and Delta Quadrant levels and all the extra levels that can be downloaded (and more being added all the time), this is a game that's well worth your money.  Plus, if you haven't played a Breakout game in years, maybe even decades, this will suck you right back into the genre.

Akikan! -- Would You Like Something To Drink?

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At this point, I'm not sure what kind of anime this is trying to be.  It's like a mashup of many anime genres at once.  At first, it starts out like it's going to be an ecchi, then it turns into a battle anime, then it goes back to being an ecchi before it suddenly veers towards being a (lame attempt at a) comedy.  The last two episodes turn into an action anime, and it's at that point that I began to wonder if the writers were trying to write the next Excel Saga, considering the Excel Saga anime also ended with a sequence of action episodes.

Akikan! starts out with a sixteen year old failure in life who happens to collect empty drink cans.  I guess he thinks they'll be worth something someday.  They're probably worth more than his worthless life, right now.  Anyway, he buys a soda can on his way home from school and before drinking it, he goes to take a shower.  As soon as he's out, he strikes a dramatic pose, bemoans his fate as a sixteen year old male who has never been on a date, and brings the can to his lips.  All while wearing nothing but a towel.  Next thing he knows, he's kissing a girl instead of drinking a soda, and it's apparently a dream come true.  If your dream is to meet a pretty girl while nearly naked, who thinks of you as her owner.

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Kakeru's first kiss

After being beat up many times by the suddenly human soda can, Kakeru (the sixteen year old failure) gets a visit from a mysterious man who seems a little too fond of him.  There's a pointless scene where he shows interest in the can and then for no real reason, he and his assistant vacate the premises and Kakeru is once again alone with his can.

I wish I could say the anime gets better.  Fortunately, my wish is granted... for a little while.  Despite the rampant sexual antics of Kakeru in the first episode, his behaviour is toned down somewhat in the next few episodes, which focus on an on-going plot arc where Melon (Kakeru's unimaginatively named soda can girl) is supposed to fight other cans whom happen to be made of a different material in order to prove which is better, aluminum cans or steel cans.  This is the idea behind the Akikan Elect, to see which of the two is the best for holding drinks in, based on the battle prowess of the girls.  Although the plot advances quickly in the first half of the series and at one point you're certain there'll be an epic battle which will determine once and for all which type of can is the better one, the three main soda can girls are suddenly forced into an uneasy truce and the plot finds itself derailed and completely forgotten by episode seven.  The episode brings back Kakeru's obsession with sex and features a scene where he is called upon by the teacher (who just happens to be the assistant to the man who visited him in the first episode) to solve a trigonometry problem.  Instead of solving the problem, he takes over the classroom and proceeds to sexually harass the teacher making lewd comment after lewd comment with the full support of his classmates until class is over.  The next few episodes also fail to advance the plot, and it gets to the point where two of the cans become somewhat civil to each other and spy on their owners.

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Billie Jean is not my lover
She's just a girl who claims that I am the one


Then, just when you think the series is going to end on a low note, the writers seemed to realize that they had a plot going and so they bring in an enemy for the cans to fight.  All three of the main cans work together to defeat the newcomer and it makes you wonder why the Akikan Elect subplot even existed in the first place, since the writers abandoned it as soon as they could, then tried to weakly tie it into the newcomer's story.

Fortunately for the last couple episodes, the animation improved quite a bit compared to what was presented earlier in the series, and it was clear that they were trying to end on a high note.  But there's a cheesy scene in the final episode where the power of love saves the three can girls from the evil can girl, who was absorbing all the cans she could find.  Then the three girls choose to fight together even though they'd not done so at all in the series, and proceed to invent a Triple Tech that manages to defeat the evil can girl, despite having already said to her that mixing drinks makes them undrinkable.  Apparently it's drinkable if you're a protagonist drink.

There is a lot of potential to Akikan!.  It could be a magical girl anime if they let it be one.  Melon would have to come up with more varied attacks, though.  Her cry of "Melo-Melo-Melon!" would get annoying if you had to hear it week after week after week.  Budoko seems to have many powers, although most of them aren't very effective and can easily be blocked or deflected.  And Yell's Isometric Sword seems to be all she needs, for it has many varied usages.  It can slice open enemies just as easily as it slices vegetables and clips stamps from snack bags.  And when the evil can girl reveals her collection of powers, she shows that she has dozens of cans and their powers in her possession.  There is the potential for a much wider cast with more varied powers if the show gets renewed for another series.

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This is the only truly comedic moment in the series.

I can't tell whether the series is trying to poke fun at anything or not.  Najimi, for instance, gets drunk from soda.  At first glance, she seems like a victim of the Frothy Mugs Of Water trope until it's realized that she's drunk from soda in the original Japanese version.  Either this is a character quirk that only the Japanese could come up with, or they're poking fun at the censorship that many anime shows and video games were subjected to in order to make them family friendly.

Another thing the show does is remix the ending theme with each episode.  I don't know if this is done for comedic effect or not.

This show has polarized anime fans in the same way that Final Fantasy XIII polarized video gamers.  You'll either like Akikan! a lot or you'll hate it with a vengeance.  Thing is, it's not a bad series.  It's not a very good one either, though I can't say it's the definite worst.  I can't really recommend this to anyone unless you're willing to lose a few brain cells while watching it.  Even then, watch the first six episodes, then skip ahead to the last two.  There's a reason that many fan subbing teams dropped the show after episode seven was aired and refused to work on the rest.



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When Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney was first announced I wasn't certain if I'd enjoy an Ace Attorney game with a new protagonist. Not after playing through three (mostly) fantastic games featuring Phoenix Wright. In the original Ace Attorney we saw Phoenix, a rookie lawyer take the stage. In Justice for All the spiky-haired attorney learned what it meant to really be a lawyer, and in Trials and Tribulations he put his and his mentor's past to rest. What could have possibly been left for the Ace Attorney series after such a plot heavy trilogy? Like a well prepared response to an open-ended question Apollo Justice's answer is the future. Not just the future of Apollo Justice and his predecessor Phoenix Wright, but the series as a whole.

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney takes place seven years after the end of Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney: Trials and Tribulations. Apollo is a young rookie defense attorney who nervously takes on his first case defending Phoenix Wright against charges of murder. At 22-years-old the boyish Apollo is fresh out of college and an understudy to Kristoph Gavin, a famous defense attorney and friend to Phoenix. Despite being friends with a seasoned defense attorney Wright insists that Apollo lead his defense. Phoenix won't defend himself because he's no longer a lawyer. The last seven years have not been kind to him as he was forced to leave law during one disastrous trial shortly after the events of T&T. As a client the former attorney is mellow and even a little devious. After getting the former defense attorney a "not guilty" verdict Apollo's career as a rookie attorney continues. While he spends much of the game coming into his own Apollo also delves into the past to discover why Phoenix no longer practices law.


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Phoenix Wright in his current bum attire. He manages to play an import role in this game.


A strong story and compelling characters are the crux of every Ace Attorney game and Apollo Justice upholds the tradition quite well. The first case of the game starts off with a bang and the last case has its share of shocking plot twists. The filler cases in between deliver intriguing, over-the-top stories that fall into the "so crazy it works" category. Sharp writing and clever humor ensure the story stays on track. As for the characters, their personalities really help drive the game's narrative along.

On the surface Apollo seems like a younger version of Phoenix but a closer look reveals a different personality. Despite being young and still inexperienced Apollo is brash and feisty at times. Where Phoenix often kept his sarcastic remarks to himself Apollo isn't afraid to share his cynical opinions. Trucy (I'm withholding her last name to avoid spoilers) takes the role of assistant this time around. Her witty and cheerful nature works well with Apollo's sarcastic personality. On the prosecution side Klavier Gavin, the younger brother of the defense attorney Kristoph Gavin, plays the rival role. As a prosecutor Klavier is cunning but surprisingly fair. Unlike many of the series' prosecutors he seeks the truth rather than a guilty verdict. As an added cool factor by night he's the lead singer and guitarist of a renowned rock band. Phoenix is one of many recurring characters but has changed significantly over the last seven years.


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It should be illegal for the prosecutor to be that well dressed.



At the end of Trials and Tribulations Phoenix's success as a defense attorney seemed all but assured-- until he was forced to leave law. The experience understandably left him jaded but thankfully not unkind. Most of the time he appears to be quite mellow (even a bit stoned), a change from his former high-strung self but under the surface he's surprisingly sly. Ema Syke is another reoccurring character who now takes Gumshoe's place as the detective. When Ema's not dealing with forensic science she's often moody and dismissive. The only other reoccurring characters are the Judge, Prosecutor Winston Payne and a brief cameo by Detective Gumshoe.


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Remember her from the original Ace Attorney? She sure did grow up to become a grouch.


Apollo Justice's gameplay is largely unchanged from previous Ace Attorney games. And if you're familiar with the forensics in the DS-only bonus case in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, the forensics aspects of Apollo Justice is more of the same. Fortunately, in the courtroom segments of the game Apollo has a few new tricks his sleeve-- or rather around his wrist.

The perceive system is unique to Apollo. When a witness's testimony is less than truthful the golden bracelet around the young attorney's wrist activates. During cross-examination he has the ability to focus on a witness and the nervous habits they produce while lying. Pointing out a witness's nervous habits and backing it up with solid evidence usually forces a more truthful testimony. The perceive system is somewhat of a replacement to the previous games' psyche locks. Unfortunately, using the perceive system eases the overall difficulty of the game when compared to the psyche locks. I personally found it much more difficult to know when to find and present to evidence to witnesses during investigations using the magatama, rather than already having the correct evidence present in the courtroom.


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Dusting for finger prints on a locked safe is all in a day's work for a defense attorney. At least in the Ace Attorney Universe.


Graphically Apollo Justice is an improvement over its predecessors. Unlike the previous games which were mildly enhanced GBA ports the newest Ace Attorney installment was created from scratch for the DS. All of the backgrounds, sprites, and animations are cleaner and more vivid. Furthermore, the game makes use of 3D graphics in terms of animation and the ability to manipulate evidence on the touchscreen. Clearly the design team took graphical cues from the fifth bonus case in Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.

In terms of sound many of the sound effects are recycled from previous Ace Attorney games. Naturally, new voices were recorded for Apollo and Klavier's "Objection!" shouts. Apollo's cry of "Gotcha!" is also new to the series during the game's perceive segments. The game's music and its composer are new. Toshihiko Horiyama is best known for his work on some of the Mega Man games, but contributed his talent to this game. Musically, Apollo Justice is on par with any game in the series. As always the music almost always fits the mood, whether it's light and cheerful or dark and ominous.

Praise aside, I did have a few issues with game. The exploration and investigation segments of the game are still lackluster at times. I know the Ace Attorney series is more or less a visual novel, but I can't help but feel as if Capcom played it a little too conservatively at times. The game also upholds the tradition of having plot holes big enough to fly a space shuttle through. A hearty suspension of disbelief is a pre-requisite to playing these games; leave your logic at the door. Finally, I'm disappointed at the lack of a back story and motivations for many of the main characters. Why did Klavier become a prosecutor instead of following in Kristoph Gavin's footsteps as a defense attorney? Why even bother with law at all when he's such a big rock star? Why did Apollo become a defense attorney, given how passionate he is about the law? At the end of the first Ace Attorney we already knew what motivated Phoenix and Edgeworth. Also, the last case in the game raised as many questions as it answered. Granted there may not have been enough time to delve into everything for this game, but I can only hope that Capcom has a sequel planned.


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You can't just threaten the defense team in the middle of a trial! Or can you?

Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney represents something of a fresh start for the Ace Attorney series. It lowers the curtain on Phoenix Wright's career as an attorney while passing on the beacon to Apollo Justice. While the game makes use of the DS in new ways, Capcom ultimately plays it safe and reuses the same formula. Nothing is inherently bad about it, as tight writing and compelling characters are the real draw of the series, but the new game brings little in terms of gameplay innovation. As of this writing, the next game in the Ace Attorney series will focus on Miles Edgeworth, and there is no word on an Apollo Justice sequel. Because Apollo Justice closes on an open note with lots of unanswered questions a sequel isn't a matter of "if" but "when," knowing Capcom. Still, the future of the Ace Attorney series looks bright. After all, Justice always prevails.


Images courtesy of Court Records and GameSpot.

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My first introduction to importing Japanese-only BLEACH fighting games came with BLEACH GC: Tasogare ni Mamieru Shinigami on the GameCube in January 2007. It was fun to start but got old quickly, even while playing with friends. Despite importing the game (and the Freeloader disc required to play it) I knew about the BLEACH: Heat the Soul series on the PSP. At the time I didn't know Heat the Soul had been around since 2005 and games in the series were released once or sometimes twice a year. It wouldn't be until December 2007 that I got a PSP to call my own, and a few months later I bought BLEACH: Heat the Soul 4. Thankfully Heat the Soul 4 was much more entertaining than BLEACH GC could ever hope to be. When it came time to buy the fifth installment in the series I actually passed it over in favor of BLEACH: Heat the Soul 6. While the sixth installment was quite different from Heat the Soul 4 I found it to be just as entertaining.

BLEACH: Heat the Soul 6 closely follows Tite Kubo's manga along with some bonus material from the three movies. The story begins with Ichigo Kurosaki's initiation as a Soul Reaper and continues up to the content of the "Turn Back the Pendulum" story arc. Like any fighting game series the plot is revealed through multiple character fights. Story mode is also a clever way of introducing the game's two character tag system (similar to Marvel VS Capcom 2 -- obviously with two characters instead of three) and getting players to learn how special attacks work. Mindless button mashing won't always help you in this game. Sixty one individual fights are split up into ten chapters that cover seven major manga story arcs and the last three chapters cover material from the movies. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how much like you a serious challenge), completing story mode's 61 missions and unlocking all 74 characters isn't always as simple as just beating an opponent.


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This can only be described as the sucker punch from Hell.


All matches are ranked on how well you complete each mission's objective within a fight. Matches are ranked from S to D with S being excellent and D being below average. In order to unlock every single mission, and thus getting 100 percent in story mode, you must complete a match with an A or better. Each objective is stated before a match starts and includes objectives such as only finishing off an opponent with a special attack, a tag team special attack, finishing off an enemy within a certain time limit, or just surviving a match until a timer reaches zero. Attempting to get an A (especially in horribly mismatched fights) requires saintly levels of patience at times. Additionally, the lack of an English translation for the said objectives makes the game more difficult than it should be. Thankfully, it is easy enough to guess an objective based on a storyline fight if you follow the anime or manga. For objectives that are a bit more ambiguous, or if you barely follow BLEACH there's always trial and error or a walkthrough.

While story mode is Heat the Soul 6's main attraction there is still plenty to do within the game. Arcade mode, Training, Soul VS (two player versus), Soul Championship and Soul Customization are the game's other major attractions. While every mode can be played without ever touching story mode the other modes aren't much fun before the character roster is filled out. Soul championship is new to the Heat the Soul series. Championship mode is split into four major tiers and you must start at the lowest tier. Each tier has 12 different tournaments and each tournament has its own elimination brackets. Soul customization is also new to Heat the Soul 6. As the name implies it is the ability build a custom technique set for any particular character not normally found in the course of the game. Such techniques include the ability to deal more damage when attacking from behind, inflicting block damage, an auto block, a long range dash, the ability to switch characters in tag mode while blocking, and lots more. This section of the game is so comprehensive that using it without a guide is impossible unless you're up to date on your Japanese.


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I don't know why but I didn't enjoy any of my fights against her. Could have been all of those near game overs?


Graphically, Heat the Soul 6 is nearly identical to previous installments. The cel-shading comes off very crisp and stylish at times, but the game doesn't even come close to pushing the PSP to its limits. Other than a few mild changes to the graphical interface 6 looks pretty much like the original Heat the Soul did in 2005. If you're a stickler for graphics BLEACH may or may not please you. Surprisingly, the Heat the Soul series looks much better than the GameCube and Wii games--neither of which I recommend over the PSP titles. As for voice work it's hard to find any faults with the Heat the Soul series. All of the voice actors from the anime have reprised their roles and the J-pop group Porno Graffiti performs the excellent opening song, "Koyoi, Tsuki ga Miezu Tomo." While on the subject of music, the game's soundtrack gets the job done despite some tracks being completely recycled from prior games. It works for the context of the game but you're not likely to put the music on your favorite playlist.

Beyond the soul championship mode and soul customization Heat the Soul 6 isn't very different from Heat the Soul 5. This latest Heat the Soul game simply refines the tag team feature that was already introduced in 5, making it more of an upgrade. If you've already played Heat the Soul 5 I can't fully recommend importing this $50 dollar PSP title, unless you're hell-bent on having every new BLEACH game. A new sweeping system probably won't be introduced until Heat the Soul 7 is eventually released. Of course, if you haven't played a Heat the Soul game since 4, 6 is going to feel really different with the introduction of the tag team system. And if you've never played a Heat the Soul game 6 is a great place to start, particularly if you've played one or both of the BLEACH DS fighting games. A lack of an English translation, difficult mission objectives, and repetition aside, Heat the Soul 6 is a fun and well-rounded game that any BLEACH fan should at least try. It's just a shame that Sony refuses to publish the series outside of Asia.



Images shamelessly taken from the official Heat the Soul 6 website. Additionally, parts of this review would have been impossible to write without HolyDragonFire's comprehensive walkthrough on GameFAQs.com.

Folklore -- Lives Up To Its Name

folklorebanner.jpgFolklore's premise involves absorbing monsters - known as "Folks" in the game's context - and utilizing their attacks in battle as companions. This sounds familiar.

Many of us have the unfortunate ability of glancing over a premise to a game and writing it off because of its ostensible potential for being passé, and it could be the reason why Folkore slid right under the radar of way too many gamers; gamers who could have appreciated the merits of what it brings to the table. There's quite a bit more to it than being a monster collector; what really matters is what you do with them once you assemble them, which adds an interesting and intriguing layer of strategy to the game's overall design.

The story is also pretty good, and it takes place in our present world. Folklore tells the tale of a 22-year-old university student named Ellen, who mysteriously remembers very little about her past. She receives a letter from her mother instructing her to come to the village of Doolin (which actually exists), a sea side village in Ireland. The letter specifically instructs Ellen to meet her at the Cliff of Sidhe. When she arrives, she stumbles upon a mysterious figure within a cloak. While there, Ellen also stumbles upon the male protagonist of the game: Keats, 29-year-old a journalist who writes for an occult magazine known as "Unknown Realms" (which was part of this game's original name when it was originally announced. They found some use for it, apparently).

folklorepic1_012710.jpgDoolin, uh, changes at night.

Keats is called to the scene when he receives a distress call from an unknown woman, which he presumes to be either Ellen or the mysterious figure in the cloak. As the two of them arrive on the scene, a fierce wind blows the figure off of the cliff, the figure landing on the shore of the beach. Ellen, distressed by all of the occurrences, faints, while Keats ponders how to piece everything together for the story he'll eventually write. He is a journalist, after all.

A lot of mysterious, unexplained events have occurred, so it will be up to the protagonists to figure out the meaning behind everything that's happened. This will entail travelling to the Netherworld, the realm of the dead. This place can only be accessed from within Doolin, and it's a fantastical place where mystical beings and creatures exist - some kind, others malignant. It's the latter, known as "folks," that you'll have to absorb to make them act on your command while you explore the areas of the Netherworld.

Folklore has an unusual way in how it presents its story, and your mileage may vary on how much you like or hate it. While it sometimes has the occasional cut scene similar to most games in the genre these days, in both in-game and CG form, this game presents most of its cinematic scenes in a comic book-like form (or, "manga" form, for you nerds). It...really doesn't work as much as the developers wanted it to, and it feels like something that would have had a bigger effect if it was, well, based on a comic. In a fantastical game like this, it feels a little out of place.

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Yeah, the designs are pretty out there. But in a way that will help it distinguish itself.

The manga sequence cut scene as described above is, sadly, an unfortunate representation of its low budget. It's a shame, too, because this is the kind of game that could have really shined if its production quality was higher. But that's not to say it doesn't shine regardless. In fact, its environments actually manage to shimmer because of its incredibly unique art style; a kind that you probably haven't seen in a video game all that much. The outfits are a mix of contemporary-style dress and fantasy-style clothing to match whichever environment it needs to. Your characters don mystical clothing whenever they venture to the netherworld. The designs help it stand out, and developer Game Republic actually managed to handle the low budget thing pretty well.

The unfortunate aspect about not having many cut scenes doesn't come from the game needing to feel showy; it's just that it lessens the chances of hearing much of the voice acting, which is pretty good. Given how Folklore takes place in Ireland, the cast consists entirely of English and Irish actors. They all do a pretty good job, for the most part.

The music is also quite fascinating and diverse. The latter point isn't surprising, given how many music composers were involved with this game, which might answer the question as to where the budget went. Kenji Kawai of Ghost in the Shell and Vampire Princess Miyu makes a few contributions to the soundtrack (including the opening menu theme). Shinji Hosoe, Ayako Saso, Hiroto Saitoh, and Yuriko Mujoujima also contribute to the soundtrack. The soundtrack overall has a very cinematic feel, feeling inspired by movies close to the genre; most notably Danny Elfman's works.

folklorepic3_012710.jpgSome souls can get a little complicated.

The main gimmick for the game is collecting every kind of folk you come across. Each of the folks have an element that will assist you depending on what battle or path lies in your way. Some of them have different attributes as well; you can use a few for melee attacks, some for projectiles, some for gigantic explosions, among others. How well you fare in battles depends on how well you use each folk, which depends on what element your opponent is weak against. It's at this time that you realize how Folklore actually has a nice layer of strategy that it requires, which means it's not the button-masher it initially seems like.

It may not be a surprise that the game has monster collecting gimmick. Though Yoshiki Okamoto was responsible for overseeing the progress of the project, Folklore's creative director was Kouji "Cozy" Okada. You may know him, because he was instrumental in creating the Shin Megami Tensei franchise, and left Atlus for Game Republic about half a decade ago.

folklorepic4_012710.jpgAnd some folks can get a little complicated to deal with. All in good fun, however.

Folkore has a unique way in how you go about gathering your allies: When one of them is nearing defeat, their spirit will glow red, meaning you can absorb them. You do this by pulling their spirit out by using Sixaxis motions. Said motions depend on the monster you're fighting, and if some of them are a bit obtuse (and they will be), you can view a tutorial by pressing R3. What's great is that it uses the Sixaxis uniquely while not being too annoying about it. Well, initially, at least, because some of the more complex motions get a little annoying when you have to do them very often near the end of the game. Still, on a system where a lot of developers haven't the faintest as to how to use the Sixaxis in any meaningful way, this game represents a nice try.

It's not a surprise, but it's still a shame that Folklore is such an underrated little gem. Sure, Sony's insistence on leaving it $60 in America definitely isn't helping, but if you can find it for an affordable price (which isn't hard), you'll find one of the best action/RPG's on the console. And that's not just because there aren't a lot of them on a console, in a generation. Just try and find it cheaper than the aforementioned price.
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Wait, was that the ending?  It can't be.  Wow.  Not only was this a short game, but it didn't feel like it should've ended that way.  I'll elaborate.

This game has been linked closely to Xenogears by both the creators and the fans.  Many of the people behind Xenogears played a part in the making of this game, and considering that it took most people between 80 and 100 hours to beat Xenogears, the 25 to 30 hours that it takes to beat Sands of Destruction seem like a gyp in comparison.  There don't seem to be any minigames either (none that I found, anyway), and any bonus side quests that exist are hard to find, since the game is largely linear.  It's so linear that the characters openly objected whenever I tried to go where I wasn't supposed to, to the point where they refused to take another step in that direction.  This applied to both areas that I wasn't allowed to explore yet and areas that I'd already been.  It's possible that there's a point or two where I could've gone back to explore further, but the game does a very good job at discouraging you from taking a break from the main story.

It's not like you'd have much opportunity to explore your surroundings anyway.  The world map is, as is the norm these days, a point and click interface.  With the lack of minigames and extra features, the majority of your time will be spent in battle anyway, and most of the rest of your time will be spent exploring the various dungeons scattered throughout the world.  Occasionally, you'll spend a few minutes in a town, but only long enough to purchase new weapons and armour, sometimes visit a smithy if one is available, and talk to the one important NPC in the entire city.

Those few minutes in town will mostly be taken up by the various plot events in the game, sometimes centered around the one important NPC.  True to the usual modus operandi of the developers, plot events can take a while to get through, but that's alright.  Only some of the scenes are voiced, and it seems random which ones are and which ones aren't.  Most of the voice actors seem like they were cast well, except for the occasional ham (one such character whose voice actor I didn't like was reduced to sand anyway, so it's all good), but overall, I had no objections with the voice work... that is, when I could actually hear it.  The music and spoken dialogue are not balanced well, and at some points, I could hardly hear what the characters were saying over the sudden swelling of music.  There is an option to change the levels of both in the settings, but gamers shouldn't have to do the developers' work for them.

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It's a good thing I know how to read British.

Controls, like in Xenogears, are confined to the X and Y axes and their diagonals only.  The dungeons, however, seem designed for an analog stick or some other dynamic movement system, as opposed to the stiff movement present in this game.  There are times when your characters are forced to zig zag when taking curves, rather than just taking them naturally.  It doesn't help that the camera also moves a set number of degrees every time you move it, so you can't try to compensate for the movement system with the camera.  There is one thing to be grateful for: you don't have to make awkward jumps like in Xenogears.  It seems that they learned an important lesson from making that game.

It would've been nice to control the movement through the touch screen instead, because then it might've been a little easier, but there was absolutely no touch screen support present in this game.  It was like playing a PSP game, but with two screens instead of one.  In fact, it would be easy to throw away the dungeon maps on the top screen and just port the game to the PSP, if not for the battle system requiring both screens.  It's probably possible, though, to port it to the PSP without losing any of the dynamics of the battle system.  Square made flying enemies out of reach of normal attacks in Final Fantasy VII, but didn't offer any alternatives other than equipping long range attack weapons and using magic.  They did, however, show this all on one screen.  The same could be done with this game, except better, since a character has two different sets of attacks depending on whether an enemy is on the top or the bottom screen, so if ported to the PSP, a flying enemy should suffice to signify a "top screen enemy".

Speaking of the battle system, it will be confusing at first.  It seems like, the way it's set up, timed button presses are important.  They are, but only to a point.  To chain together your attacks, you do have to select your next attack right after the previous one ends, or else you lose out on a large chain bonus to your CP; CP are points you can spend to level up your various attacks and spells.  Also, you can only have up to six BP in a turn; BP are the points used to determine how many times you can attack.  Confused yet?  There's more: your first critical hit on the enemy will add one BP to your total for your turn, and ten consecutive hits upon the enemy will add another BP.  Your various skills can hit more than once, and once you've earned enough CP, you can level up your skills and set them up in chains to get the most out of your BP, so it's not like you're at a complete disadvantage.  Certain characters, though, are worse off than others.  While your best characters can set up a chain of 12 hits on one BP, there's another character that can only go up to 7.  This wouldn't be too bad, if the developers had stopped there.  Apparently, certain characters can have their morale affected by the story, rendering them suddenly useless in battle.  Ordinarily, a character receives 2 BP at the start of their turn, which is more than enough to make up for a deficiency in hits.  But a depressed character becomes less effective in battle and only receives 1 BP at the start of their turn.  If the character only has a chain that hits 7 times, then they'd better hope they can crit on their first turn, or else they're going to be pretty useless against a boss.  There is nothing you can do to change this, either.  The developers have apparently decided that certain characters must be rendered completely useless during certain sequences in the game.  It does help that sometimes, characters will have high morale and therefore receive 3 BP; it doesn't help that the Quip system adds an extra layer of luck into the battle system.  Occasionally, your character will spout a line that somehow affects the outcome of battle.  Either they'll gain an extra BP, or they'll boost their defense.  At the end of battle, gold or experience may be doubled.  And so on.  There's no way to increase how often these quips activate, and it seems like each quip has its own frequency associated with it: an experience doubling quip will definitely not activate nearly as often as a gold doubling quip, for example.

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Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light


Regular enemies in battle aren't too bad.  Bosses, on the other hand, can be hell if given a chance.  They possess skills that are mysterious and apparently boost their stats and abilities.  This seems to extend to their BP, which is on a hidden meter and I swear it goes to eleven.  Occasionally, bosses will suddenly draw upon an infinite pool of BP to completely fill their meter up, spam skills that delay your characters enough that you'll die before you can take another turn, and in extreme cases, they'll start hitting characters one at a time and keep going until they kill the character (which should ordinarily end their turn), then will move on to the next character until you've suffered a complete party wipe, often from as much as full health, especially if you've just healed everyone.  The only thing I can think of is that maybe the speed boosting skills that bosses use can stack, but there's no indication that this is the case.

When it comes to music, the game seems to straddle the line between modern full orchestral compositions and old school style tunes that you can actually make out.  Although you might not end up humming the songs from the game, they do have tunes you can hum.  Although I know that Yasunori Mitsuda composed some of the music for this game, it seems like he's long over his Celtic period, so I only partially recognized his style.  In a way, it helped to distance myself from any expectations I would've had for the music.

To further the comparison with Xenogears, I would say that the music was a little more light hearted this time around, especially near the beginning.  But then again, there was a lot less Man Vs. Everyone in this game, and although the theme of the game is world destruction, the story treats it with a more romantic angle than most would.  Although you fought a bunch of enemies that were oppressing your race, none of them really stood out as a big bad, so there wasn't an epic feel to the game either.  The majority of the game was spent in a Man Vs. Himself mindset, kind of like if Fei from Xenogears was allowed to be angsty about Id for the entire game.  The main character, Kyrie, finds out in the first hour or so that he's a weapon meant to destroy the world.  He's activated by a mysterious bell during a confrontation, and his power goes out of control and reduces the nearby landscape and all the people within to sand.  From there, he is forced to join an organization whose goal is to destroy the world, and finds himself nursing a crush on his female companion.  The character that ends up being the bad guy is subtle and doesn't really count since he's not visibly hounding you during the game.  He doesn't lift his hand against you, nor does he send any minions to kill you.  In fact, while most RPGs put your characters on the defensive for the majority of the game, Sands of Destruction breaks the mold by having your characters seek out and kill most of the powerful enemies present in the world.  Also unlike most games, recurring villains are very scarce.  There was only one that I could recall, and you dispatch him for good about a third of the way into the game.

When it comes to graphics, the designers went with the style they employed in Xenogears, placing low-detail sprites in a 3-D environment.  If I didn't know better, I'd suspect that these sprites were leftover from Xenogears, since they're about the same quality.  Although I've seen better on the DS, the graphics do get the job done, especially since most of the game is spent in a rather drab, sandy world anyway with four continents themed after the seasons.  I guess if the winter continent is perpetually winter and the summer continent is perpetually summer, then the autumn and spring continents are always autumn and spring?  However that works.  Meanwhile, you sail around the world (presumably, since it's point and click) in a ship that somehow sails upon the sand.  And this is no ordinary sand.  It's sand that magically will not clog engines, unless it's required by the plot that it does.

By the time I was a few hours into this game, it was clear that, although there were some similarities to earlier games made by the same team, I was playing something completely new and different.  Although there were a few missteps (sound balance needing work, occasional unfair advantage of bosses in battle, initially confusing battle system, too linear story), I would say this was an enjoyable 30 hours.  Take the above criticisms with a grain of salt.  Chances are, anyone who plays this game will enjoy their experience as much as I did.

Screens stolen shamelessly from RPGamer.com

Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction -- The Wombat Chronicles

ratchetandclankfuturebanner.jpgWith every passing generation, it seems like there's one genre that lacks the prevalence it had during the previous generation. For fans of that specific genre, it can be a little difficult to cope with, especially if many of your greatest memories in gaming are formed by it.

It's a little late at this point to say that the platforming genre has fallen from grace in terms of popularity and quality. That's not to say there aren't any coming out at all - and it's still more prevalent than the anime-style adventure genre (in the spirit of games like Tail Concerto, Mega Man Legends, and Steambot Chronicles), which is almost nonexistent - but for a genre that used to be the most popular around, it's a shame to see that developers aren't interested in making too many of them anymore.

But every now and then, you get good examples of the genre like Ratchet & Clank Future: Tools of Destruction, even if it isn't the most straightforward platformer in the genre. The Ratchet & Clank franchise has been accused of abandoning its platforming roots on PS2 and engaging in more of a platforming/shooter hybrid. And that is completely true. But that's not saying ToD doesn't have its fair share of platforming; in fact, it's what you'll be doing for about 60% of the game.

(P.S. The best example of the genre would be Super Mario Galaxy. But you knew that.)

ratchetandclankfuturetodpic1_122709.jpgThe ostensibly appreciable aspect of ToD is that it's a return to form for the franchise. It's probably an expected one, too, as developer Insomniac Games referred to the previous title, Ratchet: Deadlocked, as an "experiment" for the franchise. Deadlocked's basic intent was to take the Tournament battle sequences from the previous two games in the franchise at the time (that's Going Commando and Up Your Arsenal; yeah, they have some pretty clever names) and build a game around it. The game also decided to change the controls and make them similar to a third-person shooter. The results? A dull imitation of what came before it. The Ratchet & Clank games specialize in variety, and Deadlocked had absolutely none of that. It's a pretty telling sign when the developer barely refers to its story as canon.

For those of you who have played a Ratchet & Clank game before ToD will strike you as very familiar territory (Deadlocked notwithstanding). Perhaps too familiar! You're given the same techniques you had in the last game from the very beginning, from double jumping to Clank's helicopter gliding leap. Shooting is also done the same way it was in the previous games, allowing you the option to strafe and jump from left to right while locked to a singular position; this will help if there are a lot of enemies approaching from the front, which happens very often. You can also melee attack with Ratchet's wrench for enemies that are a little too close.

But what distinguishes every Ratchet game is the weapons you're given. This is something that changes throughout every game, but they're mainly enhancements of similar weapons from previous games. The best aspect of this is that Insomniac realized what worked for what the game's design called for, which gives the game a good sense of balance. Things start out easy, but there are parts where the game will challenge you; still, it's never unfairly difficult. As you fight more enemies, your HP level will increase, and your weapons will become stronger the more you use them - though the maximum level is five for the latter.


ratchetandclankfuturetodpic3_122709.jpgThere are times where you'll also have to play as Clank, who also plays similar to how he did in previous games. However, he's been given quite a few new techniques, due to the special powers he's been given. Said powers also make for a bizarrely hilarious subplot.

ToD looks pretty amazing, though admittedly less so now than it did in 2007. There are areas where you'd think it was just one of the PS2 games upscaled to an HD resolution, but when you get a close look at the animation, you realize how much work Insomniac put into this. The work isn't quite on par with the best CG animated movies, but it's certainly a good effort. There's also a lot happening in the background in most of the levels, with numerous cars flying past and explosions by the dozens. That's more of a marvel than the animation itself, but it can be a distraction if you're not careful.

ToD may have a good story, but the best part of it isn't the actual tale it events - which itself focuses more on the back story of the main character, Ratchet, than any previous game has. All of the Ratchet & Clank games are known for being very humorous, and being rife with references to works within popular culture. The game takes place in outer space, so that should give you an indication of a few of its references. Whether you'll get them all depends on how much of a geek you are.

ratchetandclankfuturetodpic2_122709.jpgThe story itself is also complemented by some phenomenal voice acting. James Arnold Taylor (who also voiced Tidus in Final Fantasy X) is a perfect fit for Ratchet, more so than he's been in any of the previous titles. The always-excellent David Kaye provides Clank's voice. Newcomer Talwyn comes with Tara Strong voicing her, and also does a great job.

ToD is familiar territory for fans of the franchise, but in a way, that works against it. That sometimes gives it a feeling that its game design is stuck in the last generation of consoles, though thankfully not as much as Devil May Cry 4. Designs of the levels themselves feel very similar to ones found in the PS2 games. The good thing is that the Ratchet & Clank games also contained some of the most fun examples of level design seen in a PS2 platformer, and ToD is thankfully no exception. Also, the game being familiar means that if you didn't like the previous games, expect to have the same reaction here.

Anyone hankering for a 3D platformer this generation would do best to pick up this (and its sequel, A Crack in Time, apparently). It's nothing that will blow your mind, but it's not like that's something you'll always need to have or should expect from every game you pick up. ToD is plenty of fun for its 10-15 hour duration, and there's plenty of replay value for collecting and leveling up every weapon, or collecting all of the hidden bonuses the game offers. Just don't go in expecting the game of the year or anything.
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I've found that entertaining movies make me eat popcorn very quickly.  Although 2012 was chock full of problems, I consumed a decent sized bag of popcorn during the first 3/5 of the movie.  I had fun making fun of the movie.  A similar thing happened with The Princess and the Frog, I consumed a lot of popcorn while enjoying a refreshingly new Disney movie.  But it's the truly entertaining movies that make me set the popcorn aside, and by the time I was finished watching Alvin & the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel, including the secret post-credits end scene,* I still had some popcorn left.  The Squeakquel is much shorter than 2012 was, yes, but I also bought a much smaller bag of popcorn, one that I should've been able to burn through rather quickly.  I also barely touched the drink I purchased.  But be warned: although I found it to be entertaining, I can see how this movie can also suck.

This movie is pretty much a high school musical.  Er, a musical set in a high school.  There, that sounds better.  It even has a plot that could've been rewritten slightly to accommodate a completely human cast and retitled High School Musical 4.  A series of events occur which cause a famous boy band to start going to a local school, and then they learn that the school's music department is a victim of budget cuts, and they'll have to enter a battle of the bands competition between various schools where the winning school gets some of their funding back.  Not only that, but there's a competition within the school itself between the boy band and an aspiring all-girl band who both want to compete at the event.  In the end, it's a standard happy ending for all, where all the bad guys of the movie get their just desserts and all the good guys live happily ever after (at least until they announce a third movie).**

By now, it's very clear to me that this and the previous movie represent a complete reboot in the Chipmunks continuity, just like what Star Trek, Casino Royale and Batman Begins did to their respective continuities; not just an updated remake like The Italian Job, Ocean's Eleven and The Thomas Crown Affair.  And yet this movie felt like an extended episode of the 80's series, whereas the 2007 movie felt more like a veiled criticism of the music industry disguised as a Chipmunks movie.

Those who have seen the original series (or maybe just the first movie) know how ridiculous some of the stories could be.  The 80's series had its moments, but the first movie set the precedent: would you really expect a bunch of kids, especially famous ones like the Chipmunks and the Chipettes, to be able to take care of themselves while they're on their way around the world piloting a pair of hot air balloons?  Hot Air Henry had all sorts of problems during his short, accidental flight.  Not to mention that it would be all over the entertainment news if they did.***

Even on their albums, the Chipmunks demonstrated a capability to do ridiculous and amazing things.  They never showed much interest in school, so when the roof was being fixed for some reason that wasn't specified, the boys sang "I Love A Rainy Night" and somehow summoned a thunderstorm that was so severe, it caused probably the worst flooding their hometown had ever seen, all within the span of a couple minutes.  They even swiped a rocket*^ and managed to launch it without anyone able to stop them and sang "Rocket Man" when Dave wanted them to return it.  And while singing "Ho Ho Ho", they seemed to demonstrate a psychic ability to simultaneously come up with the same improvised lyrics (either that, or they secretly rewrote the lyrics while Dave wasn't looking) and sing them perfectly in three part harmony.

For the 2007 movie, a more down to earth story was written, although you still had to stretch logic in order to make it work, and you had to try your best to ignore the way Ian made all music producers look bad.  Whoever wrote the movie must've been fired or something, because like I said before, the writing for the Squeakquel resembles some of the old 80's material while remaining set within the new, updated Chipmunks universe.

Case in point, the Squeakquel opens at a Chipmunks charity concert, where Alvin's over the top antics cause a Bret Michaels moment for poor Dave Seville: a stage prop drops down and whacks him on the head, putting him out of commission for the majority of the movie (I wonder if Jason Lee had a prior engagement, but was still available to film five or six scenes for the movie, three of which included the Dave Seville trademark "Aaaaaaalviiiin!").  Then, right before the boys are to go with their Aunt Jackie (although I would say she's more of a great aunt, if she's Dave's aunt), she takes a tumble, backwards, down a flight of airport stairs in her wheelchair.  By now, with both responsible people in the hospital through no fault of their own, the irresponsible Toby Seville (Dave's cousin)  is all that's left to take care of the Chipmunks, but he can't be bothered because all he'd rather do is sit around all day playing DS, Wii and Xbox 360 games.^  Simon's supposedly in charge, but although he's much more mature now, he's hardly shown being in charge of anything.  There are maybe one or two scenes where he shows that he's trying - including one scene where he makes a disparaging comment about one of Toby's food habits, but given that the Chipmunks did a similar thing with waffles in the 2007 movie, it makes him seem slightly hypocritical - but for the majority of the movie, he just gets into conflicts with Alvin over how he chooses to use his time.

Speaking of video games: just like in the 2007 movie, the Squeakquel contains obvious product placement.  At one point, the camera pans across a room, and in the background are various gaming paraphernalia, including an issue of a magazine that clearly states that there's an article on Fallout 3 inside of it, and the camera waits until the audience has had enough time to notice and read it before changing focus.  Also, Alvin and Toby play Wii Bowling in a scene that closely resembles every Wii gamer's worst nightmare.^*  And everyone seems to have iPhones this time around.

I felt the character of Toby seemed to be just a rehash of Dave from the first movie.  Toby was awkward with love just like Dave, except even more so.  At one point, his clumsiness caused him to break a drum and then flee the room.  Then, at the end, he managed to get the girl anyway.  Also, his sudden appearance during a concert helps to save the day for the Chipmunks (although during very different circumstances, of course; Dave merely had to show up to the concert in the 2007 movie, Toby actually went up on stage from where he was behind it).  Dave shows up suddenly as well during the same scene, which makes it a double Seville whammy.  Toby manages to get through the movie without changing much, though.  I have no doubt that after the events of the Squeakquel, he'll probably fall back to his old gaming ways.

I mentioned that Simon's much more mature now.  In fact, all three Chipmunks act more mature in the Squeakquel.  They've definitely grown up a lot since the 2007 movie, where Simon stated that they're just kids.  Despite how much the boys get on Dave's nerves, he's obviously been a good influence on them.  At least Dave doesn't have to worry about being reminded of the size of Theodore's butt anymore.

He might have to worry about Ian Hawke, though.  In the 2007 movie, Ian seemed modeled after former boy-band manager Lou Pearlman.  Since 2007, Pearlman has been convicted and jailed for various offenses related to one of the largest and longest-running Ponzi schemes in American history.  Ian, however, seems to have had better luck, for he's merely homeless.  Apparently, when you get caught lip syncing, public backlash is random.  No one cared that Boney M did it, since the practice was common at the time it was discovered.  When Milli Vanilli did it, it was suddenly an unforgivable crime, even though the same guy was behind both Milli Vanilli and Boney M.  When the Chipmunks let the cat out of the bag at the end of the 2007 movie, it apparently hasn't hurt their music career, but Ian Hawke has ended up practically bankrupt, for he eats out of Dumpsters while living in the basement of Jett Records, and surreptitiously brushes his teeth when he thinks no one is watching.  Somehow, though, he can gain access to video recording equipment and a computer with an Internet connection long enough to upload videos to YouTube.

But this brings up a good point: the universe that the Chipmunks exist in is full of holes if you think about it.  Everyone is willing to accept singing chipmunks, except when it's convenient to the plot that you don't accept singing chipmunks.  Singing chipmunks have freakish upper body strength, even more so than certain mathematics nerds.  There are other intelligent animals other than chipmunks, but they're few and far between.  Music becomes popular very, very quickly, and if you upload something to any kind of public network, you can get everyone's attention with minimal effort (...okay, I'm willing to concede this point in light of evidence supporting the statement).  Fans of the Chipmunks act just like fans of any other group, to the point where some fans obviously have romantic interests towards them.  This may seem taboo in our society, but if they're intelligent creatures, would this still count as bestiality?  It might not even count as pedophilia, since animals tend to mature at a much faster rate than humans.  For all we know, the Chipmunks and the Chipettes are technically of age even though they're still going to high school.

That is not to say that these are critical problems within the old series or the new continuity.  A universe with singing chipmunks must've gone through significant societal changes since the original debut of the band, and what is taboo to us might not be taboo to them.  It's not unusual in a universe like this to go on a race around the world through potentially treacherous conditions (old continuity), or to threaten other sentient creatures with consumption (new continuity; the more I think about that, the more angry and horrible I feel at what the Chipettes were threatened with).  You can get away with almost stepping on your fellow classmates and it's okay because they're short enough that it's a hazard of living.

Keeping pedophilia in mind, it's a good thing they updated the designs of both the Chipmunks and the Chipettes.  Just like when the Chipmunks were introduced in the 2007 movie, the Chipettes are completely naked (with fur, of course) when they're first shown, and later given clothing to wear in order to fit in.  In their original design, the Chipettes looked more like little girls than chipmunks, and naked little girls would've been hard to get past any kind of sensor.  Plus, I prefer how they look now as fully chipmunk girls rather than the weird mostly-human designs from the 80's.  Just like with their 80's designs, they were able to keep each Chipette distinctive.  You can easily tell Brittany from her sisters, Jeanette and Eleanor.  It could've been because I was really young at the time, or it could've been because the Chipettes weren't seen as often as the Chipmunks, but I could never remember the names of the Chipettes until the Squeakquel was announced.  It helped that the individual names of the Chipmunks were mentioned in the theme song to their cartoon, and so every week their names were re-enforced in my mind, but no such luck with the Chipettes.

At least this movie did something that the 2007 movie didn't: instead of handwaving such a detail as unimportant, it explained how three chipmunks could escape from a locked cage.  It also did what the other two movies didn't do, and put the focus on cover versions of popular songs rather than new music.  The Chipmunks may have gotten their start singing original material, but it's become the trademark of both the Chipmunks and the Chipettes to cover other artists, and both the original Adventure and the 2007 movie contained very few cover songs.  I mean, seriously.  Wooly Bully?!  That's the best they could do in 1987?  Even the 2008 album contained a lot of original material, including a new Christmas song that's as good or possibly better than their original Christmas song.  The majority of the music you hear in the Squeakquel are cover songs, but it's as if someone picked up the Billboard top 40 list for a random week during the summer of 2009 and chose a bunch of songs from it, then picked a few of the most overdone songs ever to round out the list (if you're wondering, it's an automatic half a point off for the presence of We Are Family), and wrote a couple original songs so that they could pretend they put a little effort into it (although the plot didn't really call for new music anyway).  Not only that, but the soundtrack contains a bonus track that they obviously couldn't find a way to fit it into a movie already stuffed with music.^**

Despite the problems I can see within the movie and the franchise in general, it was very entertaining and full of laughs.  I think an enjoyable time was had by everyone who saw the movie, despite everyone trying to leave during the credits.  Myself, I'm hoping there's a third movie, but at the same time I hope they only do one if there's a good idea behind it, something much like this movie was, one that acted like it belonged with the old material while remaining firmly within the new canon.  One that was fun and funny to watch, with enjoyable characters (although Toby should probably go) and (mostly) decent music.

So there you go: this is not the kind of movie you go to if you're looking for something intelligent.  It's eye candy, pure and simple.  Entertainment only.  My recommendation is a conditional one: if you don't mind watching a cartoon script filmed in live action, then go ahead and watch the movie.  By all means, if you're babysitting the kids, take them and they'll enjoy it immensely.  If you're a hardcore Chipmunks fan and own all their albums, even the hard to find ones, you might like the Squeakquel if you liked the 2007 movie.  For everyone else... at least there's The Chipmunk Adventure.



*I am probably the only person in Revelstoke, other than the theatre employees, who has seen the final scene to this movie.  Honestly, would it kill everyone to wait until the credits are over to see if there's anything afterward?  Has everyone's houses burst into flame at exactly the same time, somehow timed to the second to start when the end credits roll?  True story: after the rest of my family finally saw Iron Man, on freaking DVD for crying out loud!, I asked them what they thought of Samuel L Jackson in the final scene and they said, "Huh?  What Samuel L Jackson scene?"

**If they do, I wonder if they're going to cast someone as Mrs. Miller, the lady who became the guardian for the Chipettes in the original continuity when it became clear that the Boys of Rock and Roll couldn't stand living with the Girls of Rock and Roll.  It'd probably be hard to replace Dody Goodman's portrayal, though.

***Hey, I think I figured out where Richard Heene and Mayumi Iizuka got their idea from.

*^ To me, it would make more sense if they had stolen one of the four (at the time) space shuttles that NASA was using, although given what happened to Columbia, I would rather they swiped one of the other ones.  However, I do not know enough about rockets to know for sure what I am talking about, and the song speaks of rockets anyway, so maybe it's Elton John and Bernie Taupin who don't know what they're talking about?  If you go further back, the song was inspired by a story by Ray Bradbury, so maybe he didn't know what he was talking about at the time?  Early science fiction certainly had that problem.

^ Possibly PS3, PSP, and PS2 games as well, but I guess Sony didn't pay for any product placement; I could see nothing PlayStation brand in the movie.

^* Considering Emerson's outrage at a scene in Heroes where Claire Bennett ruined her hand in one of their disposal units, I'm surprised Nintendo doesn't sue the movie for showing that their product can break a plasma TV if you don't wear the wrist strap.  Also, being Americans, I'm surprised the Chipmunks didn't sue Nintendo during the movie for not making controllers that are chipmunk-sized.  As The Chipmunk Adventure showed, playing any kind of video games can be a full body sport when you're a chipmunk.

^** The bonus track sucks.  I never thought I'd say this about a Chipmunks song, but there are a lot of songs that have been made in the last few years that wouldn't work as Chipmunks songs.  As an aside, I honestly think that the Chipettes could do better than sing Katy Perry, but they managed to improve Hot N Cold, so I'm happy.  I can even make out some of the lyrics that I can't in the original, oddly enough.

Tekken 6 -- The King of Iron Fist Fighters

tekken6banner.jpgIf you ever needed a word to quickly sum up the entirety of the package that Tekken 6 offers, that word would be: Confounding.

Not to say that it's a bad game at all. No, Tekken 6 is at its best when all it involves is its core fighting mechanics. If you've been following the game at all, you've probably heard about how enjoyable of a fighting game it is, and how it's been the most popular arcade game in Japan for nearly two years - that's including the original Tekken 6 arcade release and the refined Tekken 6: Bloodline Rebellion, the latter of which is what the home console iteration is based on. The game is not the problem; the problem is almost everything else.

If you've ever dipped your hand into the Tekken pool before, this game will instantly feel familiar to you, aside from a few new additions to the fighting system to not make the game feel like a rehash. If the aforementioned "dipping" requires playing the console versions, you're probably aware of Namco's penchant for not being content with leaving just the main fighting game for console owners to enjoy. Since Tekken 3, Namco's added a bunch of modes to increase the value of the home console version. Some of them are good fun, like Tekken Bowl and Tekken Ball, while some are just exercises in frustration, like...well everything else. Unfortunately, Tekken 6 has none of the former, and too much of the latter.

tekken6pic1_121709.jpgThis is the best stage in the history of fighting games. FACT.

This is a fighting game, and you'll probably (hopefully) want to spend most of your time with the actual fighting, and that's where Tekken 6 is at its best. There are plenty of single player modes that you'd expect to be here, like (an admittedly very short) Arcade Mode, Time Attack, Survival, Team Battle, and a Practice Mode to brush up your skills against a dummy. There's also a Ghost Battle mode to fight the ghosts of tournament players, and if you get sick of the amount of them there, you can feel free to download the Ghost data of online players.

But the majority of the fun is, of course, to be had with another human player, which most people - unless you live in Japan - will have to find online. The netcode in the game now fortunately isn't the one that existed in it when the game launched; the one where lag was prevalent even when your opponent was only a state away. The current version of it, which was patched in on Thanksgiving Day, is actually very workable. Of course, this depends on the connections you'll find. A five bar match is almost comparable to an offline bout, while four bars is only slightly worse. A three bar match will have a little input lag, but it's still workable. You'll want to avoid anything below that, though, as it will be unplayable because of both input and on-screen lag. Overall, it handles better than Street Fighter IV online, but keep in mind that Street Fighter is a bit more lag friendly than Tekken.

tekken6pic2_121709.jpgIf you get hit by a launcher, you know you're in trouble.

As much as you'll want to immediately jump online to play some of the competition, the game's structure will unfortunately prevent that for some players. When Tekken 3 released back in 1998, it came with a mode called Tekken Force, a side-scrolling beat 'em up mode with fighting game controls. After playing it, the mode was certifiable proof that fighting game controls seriously don't work in a side-scrolling environment at all. You'd think Namco would get the message after throwing it on us once (Tekken 3 required you to play the mode to unlock the very bizarre Dr. Boskonovitch), but no, as Tekken 4 also had it, as well as 5. And, as you'd expect, Tekken 6 has it as well in the form of the story-driven Scenario Campaign mode. And, as you'd expect, it's an absolute exercise in frustration.

The Scenario Campaign takes you through the adventures of the Swedish Super Saiyan-inspired Lars Alexaanderson and his robotic companion Alisa Boskonovitch (who happens to be the robotic daughter of the man mentioned above). The two of them will be responsible for stopping the former protagonist Jin Kazama from plunging the world further into war and seeking to revive the ultimate evil, Azazel. The campaign will involve you beating up mindless drones and finding items and equipment that you can use to increase the stats for your characters. You can also use the equipment for the characters themselves, if you're planning on maining them. Nice ideas, but it's the execution that's the problem.

tekken6pic4_121709.jpgLooks like a parody of an Arrested Development scene!

Trying to hit your opponents with a combo is a problem with mechanics that are meant to be used against one opponent. And things get really frustrating when you're surrounded by a ton of opposition, and at least one of them knows precisely when to hit you when you're trying to attack. It feels like it represents some of the worst brawlers of the early 90s in its cheapness, which might have been excusable back then, but times and standards have changed. The worst thing is that if you want to see all of the character endings, you have to play this mode. Unlike previous games where you could see them if you played a few matches to arcade mode, Tekken 6 are unlocked when you go through one-on-one fights in the campaign's Arena mode; and to unlock the characters to play them, you'll have to beat them at the end of the levels in the campaign. Also, if you want to customize your character's outfits for all to see online, you have to play suffer through this mode.

And that's because the equipment and extra outfits for customizing individual characters is hilariously expensive. For instance, I wanted to customize my Lili with a different shirt, pants, and hair style, along with a few other minimal details for her to stand out. The shirt cost around $400,000, and the pants around $650,000. The pony-tail hair-style? $1.5 million. They can't be serious. And you can forget raising that kind of money with the other modes. A battle online or in a Ghost battle will only get you around $6,000 to $8,000 per fight, depending on the ranking of your opponent; which means a hell of a lot of grinding. Meanwhile, completing a level in the scenario campaign will get you $80,000 to $3 million on average. Yeah, you can tell which one Namco would like you to play. Confounding indeed.

It's a real shame that the overall package is so frustrating, because as a fighting game, it's one of the best in the genre this generation. Tekken 6 enhances the fighting of the original game by adding something called bounding, which gives another opportunity for you to juggle your opponent to make some big combos. It does make an already juggle-happy game even more juggle happy, sure, but it also adds a new layer of depth. These combos aren't easy to perform, especially depending on the character you're using and the learning curve they'll require.

tekken6pic3_121709.jpgOh, look! Tekken still has the same hit effects after all these years.

And speaking of characters, there's 40 of them at your disposal here. Many of them are returning, but six are new to Tekken 6. Most of them play pretty differently, with some of them being easier to learn (Paul, Lili, Bob) and some being a little tougher to get a grasp on (The Mishimas, Julia, King). It's where Tekken is at its finest, and it's what Namco Bandai's focus should have been on. A shame it wasn't, which was especially evident when the online was in shambles upon release.

There may be a lot of frustration in this review, but I actually like Tekken 6 quite a bit. But that mainly goes for the competitive aspect of it. It's everything else that's the problem. I'm glad they fixed the online - though it was a bit too late as its sales undoubtedly suffered due to poor word of mouth. I sincerely hope that Namco Bandai learns from their mistakes with this one and realizes that no fans like having a half-assed brawler forced upon them. It kind of detracts from the overall experience. But I sincerely recommend it for anyone looking for a fighting game right now.

The Princess And The Frog -- Going Green in the 1920s

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Everything I know about life I learned from Disney movies.

-When you're a princess, you always have your head in the clouds.  That's all you need, for your prince will always come for you, you don't need to lift a finger and go to them.

-As long as such characters aren't evil, everyone always gets along with the secondary characters, and it's all sunshine and happiness.

-Princes are daring, handsome, and will fall for you at first sight.  They've always been bored with other women; all it took was to find the right one.

-Snakes are always evil, no exceptions.

-No protagonist, not even a supporting protagonist, will die.  If a protagonist must die, no protagonist will die if they survive the first half of the movie.

-The main villain in any modern plot will always be rail thin and sinister, with few exceptions.

-And whenever you wish upon a star, your wish will always, always magically come true.

I don't know about you, but I think it's time for a new lesson.  Keep in mind, there are spoilers ahead, so here's the spoiler-free, tl;dr version: I liked this movie a lot, found that it was sufficiently different from past material that Disney has put out, and feel that they're going in the right direction by throwing out the usual formula and shaking things up a lot.  Anyway, spoilers, you have been warned.

You know, Disney was promoting Tiana as the first African American princess, but she spent about half the movie as a frog and not as a person.  It's hard to claim that you've made a main character black, when she's green for a substantial part of the story.  Still, I doubt that the prince could've made the kinds of leaps in character that he did as a person, so it's acceptable.  And you don't have to be black to be African American anyway.

Tiana is not your ordinary Disney princess.  Instead of being born into royalty, like Ariel or Jasmine or Snow White, she's more like Cinderella (and Snow White) in that she's a hard-working girl.  Unlike Cinderella (or Snow White), Tiana has a goal she's working towards, and is very down to earth.  She knows better than to rely solely on magic to get what she wants.  Instead, she relies on her hard earned savings to help her achieve her dreams.  She works two jobs, has been saving all her tips, and has grand dreams that are still realistic enough to come true.  She is pretty overworked, but is so full of energy that it makes me wonder whether or not she's sneaking a Red Bull in between scenes.  For someone who is graceful on her feet and moves around the restaurant with ease, it makes me wonder why she says she can't dance.  Probably just shy.

Right when Tiana is about to achieve her dreams, her African American background bites her in the ass.  It's still early in the movie, so she should've known it wouldn't be quite so easy.  It's actually pretty daring of Disney, after making movies for years and pretending racism didn't exist (which is pretty easy when you tend to draw nothing but white characters and change the subject whenever Song of the South is brought up), to see them openly acknowledging that during the time of the movie's setting, black people were at a disadvantage because of their skin colour.  I suspect that Tiana's father didn't have a choice when it came to serving in the Great War, but we never see enough of him to judge if he did want to serve the country in such a way or not.

Prince Naveen comes to town near the beginning of the movie, and he is definitely not Prince Charming, Prince Phillip, or even Prince Eric.  Naveen has an eye for the ladies and openly flirts with anyone that does not have a Y chromosome.  Even after becoming a frog, he seems to look upon other females with a favourable eye, as he did during one musical number, where he was surrounded by a redhead, brunette and some blondes, and mentioned so in the lyrics.  He's more willing to play around all day than to do any sort of actual work, which is part of what causes him to be drawn in by the villain in the first place and changed into a frog.  This doesn't change his personality at all, since all that seems to be on his mind are kisses, for he is far too happy to take advantage of old fairy tales if it means he gets attention from the ladies.  He might've been a cliche if not for the fact that this is the 49th full length theatrical animated feature from Disney, but only their first to include a prince who only cares that the ladies are breathing and have a steady heartbeat.  If I recall, it's usually characters like Gaston who possess such a character flaw (and even Gaston favoured one lady above the rest).  Modern princes like Simba and Aladdin have only ever had their eyes on one girl.  In creating such a character as Prince Naveen, Disney shows a willingness to throw out their playbook and change the rules.

Depending on the movie, Disney protagonists tend to be very durable.  Mufasa was able to endure a stampede of wildebeest in The Lion King, and he probably would've survived being flung from the cliff as well if not for being trampled to death by the very same herd of wildebeest.  Exactly zero characters died in prison in Robin Hood, even though food was scarcely provided and the cells didn't look too clean.  In fact, no characters died at all during that movie, despite at least one madcap fight scene, and the scene at the end where the villains ran crazily into the burning castle).  And Captain John Smith's musket wound in Pocahontas wasn't even animated (also, he didn't die from it, and the fight scene that was imminent late in the movie was averted).  Likewise, Prince Naveen survives being whacked by two books, and Mama Odie herself has lived 197 years.  She is rough with her snake, who seems not to mind such treatment and endures it well.  Tiana's father does die off screen fighting in the Great War, but his durability was never shown on screen and so it's not known how much effort it took to kill him.  He was also a supporting protagonist, and as the movie 2012 recently indicated, extreme peril will kill exactly one secondary character per scene.  This rule isn't followed in The Princess and the Frog, but Disney does one up every single animated film they've done to date by first alluding to the father's death early on in the movie, and then showing the villain murder one of the main characters late in the movie.  Because of the Walt Disney Company's past attitude towards character death, when said character was dying, all I could think was, "If you don't want the ending to completely suck, this character had better stay dead."  The character was well written and extremely likable, and I wouldn't have minded if he survived the movie, but the moment he was mortally wounded, I felt that a death bed miracle would've weakened the movie and shown that Disney was still a company full of cowards.  I think that's just sad.

The villain... okay, so Dr. Facilier is the most rail thin villain (physically, I mean) Disney ever came up with, so he still fits the stereotype that's existed since Jafar from Aladdin.  When Jafar came along, it was clear that Disney had tossed their overweight villains away.  Somehow.  They probably needed Hercules's help.  But anyway, Disney had tossed their overweight villains away and chose to use a new breed of slender, anorexic villains.  Ratcliffe was a heavy exception, but still, most modern Disney villains look like they could desperately use a sandwich.  I think the best villain they've had to date has been Gaston.  Handsome, muscular, popular, and if not for his nasty jealous streak and pompous attitude, he could've easily been a prince.  Dr. Facilier, though, isn't that strong a villain.  He's more of a tempter than a true villain, kind of like Satan in the Bible, and is very limited in his power.  If anything, Prince Naveen's valet, Lawrence, could've been the main villain, but his purpose in the movie was to illustrate that there are consequences when you take a title you didn't earn, consequences that Aladdin never faced when he used similar means to become Prince Ali.

I'm not sure that a stronger villain was needed, though.  The Princess and the Frog is a down to earth movie, one which presents a main character who doesn't rely on magic or wishes or other people to help her meet her goal.  She is strongly independent, and so when other characters are blindly wishing on a star and waiting for their princes to come, Naveen works hard, and even when she's a frog, she still works towards her goals and doesn't let something as silly as an amphibious transformation get in the way.  Apparently it is easy being green after all.

I really liked that Tiana was taught at an early age that wishing isn't enough.  A few years ago, Rhonda Byrne wrote a book called The Secret, and a movie was made to further promote the ideas within the book.  When I watched it, it seemed to me like they were promoting the idea that if you just sat around and thought happy thoughts, those thoughts would magically come true, and if they didn't, it was entirely your fault for not believing hard enough.  The Secret is nothing more than a modern day When You Wish Upon A Star, and helps to show how shallow those early Disney movies truly are.  Cinderella thought real hard about her dreams as she scrubbed the floor and her fairy godmother suddenly appeared one day.  Snow White thought real hard about the prince that would some day come and as she lay in a kind of magical death, her prince did come.  Although Princess Aurora was asleep for a good portion of Sleeping Beauty, I bet she dreamed about her prince during her long sleep.  In contrast, The Princess and the Frog shows that wishing is only the first step.  After wishing comes doing, although a little bit of stargazing never hurt anyone.

A few things I'm just going to touch upon: the supporting cast was wonderful, since it consisted of characters that weren't one-dimensional or just thrown in to advance the plot.  The music was decent enough to work, and the songs seemed like they were intended to be a celebration of early 20th century jazz rather than an attempt to be the next Be My Guest or Under The Sea.  Plus, although Disney chose a popular R&B singer to perform their end song, they did not choose one of their Radio Disney stars like they did for The Lion King 1 1/2 and for that I am truly grateful.  None of the cast members chewed the scenery, not even John Goodman.  Keith David did a great job as the villain, a role he seems well suited for and has been indulging in a lot lately (he was not exactly a protagonist in the Numb3rs episode he guest starred in, and he lent his voice to the final boss of Dissidia: Final Fantasy, among other projects he's done).  Somehow, the animation quality was even better in this movie than it was in Brother Bear, which leads me to believe that there are still places that Disney can take hand-drawn art.  And the payoff at the end of the movie was kinda predictable, but for the target audience it was perfect.  When I watched it, many people in the audience at the theatre were surprised when it happened, whereas I could see it coming from a mile away.  It wasn't predictable in a cliche way, though.  It felt more like the feeling of figuring out a mystery novel and then reading the end and being satisfied that I was right.

Lastly, this movie features a lot of subtle (and not so subtle) references to Disney's past animated movies.  One scene looked like it was lifted from Sleeping Beauty, right down to the camera angle, and I couldn't help but wish that the dress in the scene started changing colours.  In the same scene, you could see a mermaid costume, and in another scene, one of the jazz musicians was wearing a lion costume.  There are many other interesting touches and references that can be picked up by ardent Disney fans, but aren't obvious enough to ruin the movie for casual fans.

In the end, The Princess and the Frog did nearly everything right and was a very enjoyable film to watch.  I would definitely watch it again in the theatre.  Disney showed that they're willing to do things they'd been too afraid to do in an animated feature, and if this continues, they may enjoy another golden age like they had in the early 90's.  They might even be able to re-release The Black Cauldron in a few years, possibly with its deleted scenes restored to the film, but I suppose that's idle wishing.

I wonder if Tiana's Palace survived Katrina.

This article/review was previously posted to the animation site Keyframe Online, and more of my reviews can be read here.

Gyromancer Banner.jpg

Okay, I don't know for sure if the battle system does represent Rivel Arday's family jewels, but there must be some reason why he stands there in the forest, facing a monster, and twisting jewels around on a game board to kill them.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

The object of Gyromancer is basically to get people to pay for Bejeweled Twist again.  Then again, you could say that about most games that reuse systems of game play.  Of course, the system can be both a boon and a curse.  Those who have tried Bejeweled Twist and found they liked it might not want to pay for it a second time.  Those who have tried it and found they hated it would definitely not want to try it again, since almost nothing's changed.

So what makes Gyromancer worth downloading a second time?  It's probably the story contributed by the writers at Square Enix (I'm assuming they're the ones who provided the story).  You are Rivel Arday, and you have found yourself on a quest to stop some sacred woods from being taken over and tainted and stuff.  The story is presented like most story modes in puzzle games have been, through a kind of a slide show, where characters appear when they're talking or when their presence is relevant (right before death, a character will suddenly receive a splatter of blood, on camera).  As such, the game adopts a style where instead of showing what's happening, the characters talk about it.  The dialogue is interesting in that it looks in places to be riddled with errors, yet the words that you think are spelled wrong are indeed words that exist in most dictionaries.  My vocabulary expanded because of this game.  At least I hope it did.  When a game company decides to use largely unused or obsolete words, you stop looking for errors and just assume the script is error free.  At one point, I thought I saw an error in grammar but decided that it was probably correct for the time period that the writers were pretending to use.  Previous attempts to catch errors in spelling were fruitless, so I didn't double-check the grammar.

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This is not a typo, apparently.

The visuals used to illustrate the story were probably contributed by the Square Enix half as well.  Everything is beautifully rendered, even the monsters.  The game itself seemed rushed from the initial announcement to the finished product, and I'm glad that it didn't show in the graphics department.  Both companies probably have a dedicated staff present who can whip out graphics quick enough to meet deadlines.  I'm very glad that neither company said, "Well, we've given ourselves very little time... let's just see who's available on DeviantArt."

The music in the game was probably one of PopCap's contributions.  I don't know for sure; for all I know, Square Enix could've provided it as well.  After all, in many of their other Bejeweled games, PopCap has used a techno, spacey type soundtrack which would easily fit on a radio station dedicated to ambient music.  Not so, this time.  The game manages to use an epic-themed soundtrack pretty well, and uses the standard electric guitar to raise tension during certain battles.  Although the tunes don't stick in your head, you can't help but be impressed by them.  Generic, they may be.  But they work.

Speaking of battles, here is where your suspension of disbelief may take a tumble.  Battles consist of you playing with your jewels.  Okay, I had to throw that in there.  But like I said above, this is basically Bejeweled Twist with experience points.  Because, of course, Square Enix has launched themselves upon a holy quest to add a level up system and a strength stat to every genre of video game known to man.  As for the battle system itself, if you think this is going to be like Puzzle Quest, you're mistaken.  Instead of a battle system where both the player and his opponent participate in battle, Gyromancer is basically one guy approaching monsters, saying "Hey there, I'm Rivel.  Nice to meet you.  Now just stand over there while I wail on you for a while.  Occasionally, I'll sprinkle some blood on my face and say 'Ouch'."  What the enemy does in battle is basically let his abilities accumulate enough so that they'll possibly influence your monster.  There's not much else they can do, and if you're at a high enough level, your monsters can kill pretty much everything, including the final boss (despite a level cap of 70).

Your monsters vary in ability and elemental affinity, and some are definitely better than others.  It's pretty easy to break the game with some of these monsters, considering how powerful their abilities are.  Some of them can even change the colours of certain jewels, which make things easier for your monster to perform its abilities while restricting your opponent's use of their own.  Even near the end of the game, if you keep certain tricks in mind, you can wipe the floor with the end bosses.  It's that easy a game.

Each stage is organized kind of like levels were in Dissidia.  You move around a board that contains treasure chests, enemies, and friendly monsters that you can take with you, as well as the occasional healing spot.  In fact, the only difference between moving around in Gyromancer and moving around in Dissidia is the size of each stage.  In Dissidia, it all fit on one screen, in a rather tight area.  in Gyromancer, each stage is a sprawling labyrinth chock full of stuff to do.  Occasional puzzle battles are included, where the object is to do a certain trick or satisfy a certain objective, usually to gain access to a new monster for you to summon or a treasure chest or something equally beneficial.

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This is exactly what you don't want to see if you're the enemy.
You know, there's very little I can make fun of in screen shots that I haven't already made fun of.  This sucks.


One thing this game doesn't do that Bejeweled Twist does is guarantee that a move is possible.  Occasionally, it's impossible to match a set of jewels and that's when items come into play.  Items are only available in certain treasure chests, and there are never enough of them.  DLC for Gyromancer exists and grants you the ability to buy more items if you need them (and most likely, you will; some news sites indicate that the DLC pack exists for both the Xbox 360 version and the PC version, but I have yet to locate it on the Steam network and haven't seen it in game).  Anyway, the four items available include a Magick Mirror, which allows you to reverse the direction of the next twist, and a Magick Key, which breaks all the locks on the board, as well as a Remedy (removes poison) and Hock of Meat (adds your abilities to the board).  Unfortunately, the game is basically one big luck based mission and occasionally you'll be dealt a bad board, and will run out of Mirrors and Keys.  In the 360 version, this might not be so bad.  In the PC version, unless you have better luck finding the promised DLC, this can hinder your game.  When you run out of possible matches, you are forced to twist a couple times to set up another match, and are penalized for such "idle twists".  Penalties for being unlucky have always been annoying, and date as far back as Dragon Warrior II, possibly further back than that.  It was a bad idea back then, and a worse idea now, since you'd think people would've realized that kicking a player when they're down is not the way to keep them playing your game.

This is a short game, and if you're in it for the Bejeweled Twist game play, just download Bejeweled Twist.  There's even a Zen mode in Bejeweled Twist that is rigged up so that you'll always be able to make at least one match.  Otherwise, if you're a puzzle game junkie, and want to see what happens when PopCap phones up Square Enix and says "Yo.  I'll bring the puzzle system if you bring the story," then go ahead and download Gyromancer.  Myself?  I actually liked it.  I can recognize why this game isn't the best puzzle/RPG hybrid, but I actually liked it.  Of course, your mileage may vary, but I assure you, it is an enjoyable game if you're open to this kind of thing.

Scrabble (DS) -- What Do You Mean 'OMGWTFBBQ' Isn't A Word?

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Before video games came along, card and board games were king.  Simple games like Monopoly and Poker were invented and families had hours of fun playing them.  Fast forward to today, and it's like you can't be bothered to bring out your chess set or your go board or even a simple deck of cards.  Maybe you live alone, or no one else likes to play against you anymore because you always win (or you always lose and you complain bitterly because of it).  So it seems the logical step to digitize these popular board and card games so that you can play against the computer or against someone over the Internet.  Of course, this means you have to buy a game you probably already own, but it's worth it.  Or is it?

There have been versions of Scrabble released before, including multiple versions and variations for the PC, the most recent of which, Scrabble Journey, features varied boards with differing requirements on each of them.  There's even been a game show that ran on NBC, hosted by Chuck Woolery (who later went on to host another word game, Lingo on GSN). Scrabble as a game has proven so popular that other companies and websites have come up with their own versions, the most notable of which is called Literati, and is featured on Yahoo Games.

Both SCRABBLE and LITERATI are in the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary, 4th Edition, and are worth 14 points and 8 points respectively.*

So why buy the DS version?  Well, portability for one.  For another, the touch screen is as close as you can get to using a mouse, unless you play the PC or Mac versions, and helps immensely during games when there's a time limit involved.  And for a third thing, Training Mode will help you grow as a player without having to write out all the good words on flash cards to memorize them.  Soon, you'll be using two and three letter words like a pro.

And yet, famous professional Scrabble players like Joel Wapnick have their own methods to memorize words and they've won official tournaments at the world level.  So the question becomes, what use is the software, when there are plenty of other methods to become good at the game?  Why should you buy the DS version if you'll benefit more by developing your own method of becoming a good tournament player?

The answer is: if you're training to be a tournament player, you have better options than this software.  Other than Training Mode, all this software really offers is the game itself.  Software like Scrabble Journey is good because it offers something different from the ordinary Scrabble game, and Scrabble Rack Attack takes the tiles from the original game, and uses them in a completely different way.  Scrabble on the DS, however, only offers the touch screen as an advantage over other console versions.

DS, by the way, is not in the OSPD4.

Due to the almost complete lack of screen shots of the DS version (there are only three in existence, total), and to prove my point about the software being useless, here is a picture of the real version being played.  There is no difference between this and the software.
Scrabble1.jpg
Unfortunately, I don't feel like downloading a DS emulator and messing around with DS roms; this is the best I can offer.

As for how the software itself runs, it's alright, but it probably could've been better.  At least there's no bugs.  Young gamers like me will have no trouble seeing the board on the tiny touch screen, but older gamers and gamers with sight impairments would have to use the magnification feature.  Unfortunately, only a portion of the magnified board can be shown on the screen; this hinders the development of a player's strategy.

Difficulty levels are very borked.  While there are supposedly six difficulty levels in the game, affecting the vocabulary of the AI, difficulty can be skewed depending on tile distribution, as it would in a normal Scrabble game.  The problem is that the AI will choose to either play all the tiles at once, or if it can't, it'll play the best scoring small word.  Intelligent strategies seem to be lost on it.  I played a level 4 AI one time and was smoked as the AI played bingo after bingo and accumulated over 400 points to my paltry 200.  Then I played the exact same AI in the next game without adjusting the difficulty level and smoked it, scoring over 450 to its paltry 150.  Instead of managing bonuses, holding certain tiles back to save for later and trading problem tiles like most human players would, the AI was just playing for points.  I should at least be thankful that the AI will only play real words, and won't try to sneak something by me like OMG RACECAR BLING BLING!

OMG, RACECAR and BLING aren't in the OSPD4.

The DS cartridge also includes Scrabble Slam, the card game based on Scrabble where the object is to place cards upon a four letter word, one at a time, to change it into other words (for instance, RACE becomes RACK, then LACK, LUCK, BUCK, etc.).  As before, there are six difficulty levels you can program into the software's AI, but in the case of Slam, if you're quick enough, you can run circles around the AI, and win each and every game, no matter what, because even at the most difficult level, level 6, the AI plays slowly, like a blindfolded, handcuffed, arthritic old man.  With rickets.  And Parkinson's Disease.  And who has lost all his fingers due to frostbite and/or gangrene.

RICKETS is in the OSPD4, worth 13 points; GANGRENE is in the OSPD4, worth 10 points; FROSTBITE is too long for the OSPD4, would be a legal play anyway, and is worth 14 points.

Chances are, though, that if you have friends who also enjoy Scrabble, one or more of you will already have a physical copy of the game, and would be more than willing to set it up and have a game or two with you.  It's also a lot more fun to play in real life, because if you're playing the AI, or playing someone on the Internet, you wouldn't get to participate in any fun arguments over vocabulary.  At a recent Scrabble Night I attended, I argued that NE is a word because it's the masculine form of NEÉ, while the other person argued back that you wouldn't use NE because it's the woman who changes her name when she's married and so you wouldn't have a use for the masculine form, therefore it's not a word.  Later on, another player proposed MILF as a word (it's an acronym, and therefore not a legal play).  Unfortunately, this sort of fun is missing from an electronic version.

FUN, of course, being worth 6 points.

Scrabble2.jpg
This is really all you need.

This software, unfortunately, is largely useless to anyone but the most casual of players who don't already own either the physical game, or another version of the software for a different system.  There are probably enough versions of Scrabble out there that we don't need any more copies of the game floating around in bargain bins across the continent.  EA probably makes enough money from their sports titles that they don't have to scrabble for more money by porting board games to every single device with the capability of executing game software.  And it's not like they have a monopoly on board games either.  Other companies are at fault too, and I wish they would get a clue: we don't need a million versions of a game we already own.


*It will be assumed for the purposes of scoring that blanks aren't used to make the words; all scores listed do not include bonuses, for it is unlikely but possible within the rules of the game to play eight and nine letter words without landing on a single bonus square.

Final Fantasy V -- It's Just My Job, Five Days A Week

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Why is it that the most difficult games in the Final Fantasy series never seemed to make it out of Japan?  Did they think we couldn't handle them?  I mean, III was skipped over entirely because the NES became obsolete, so at least they had a little bit of an excuse.  But IV was toned down in difficulty and V was purposely skipped over in favour of VI.  Honestly, what were they thinking?

Just look at what happened with the Dragon Quest series.  We never got Dragon Quest VI and had to wait until earlier this year to get Dragon Quest V.  And how about the Mother series?  Out of three games, we only got one.  Fire Emblem?  We only started getting them when the seventh game came out.  They're starting to wake up over there and send more games over the Pacific, but for a while there it seemed like getting good, difficult RPGs was like pulling teeth.

"Hey, who farted?"
ff05-01.png
"Yeah?  Well, when something smells, it's usually the Butz!"
Oh, how I wish I hadn't renamed the character.  This joke just doesn't work now.


The trend in the Final Fantasy series is that if the game features the job system, it's going to be a difficult game.  III was difficult, Tactics (which came out after V) was also pretty difficult and challenging at times (unless you knew what you were doing and could exploit the system).  X-2 is a more recent release and is possibly the only exception to this rule, and yet there is still a degree of difficulty to it.  You'll die a horrible death if you're not careful.

V is no exception.  It's, in my opinion, the most difficult of the Final Fantasies to appear on the SNES.  If you have a lot of difficulty with IV and VI, they can be overcome with lots of leveling, but in those games, characters are rigid in their roles, unchanging.  You can't stop them from being what they are.  In V, characters can be anything, and their stats reflect this.  Whereas in III, you kept all the HP you gained so far when you switched jobs, the developers of V chose to go a different route and make all the different jobs affect even the HP of your character, so you can't even stockpile it to protect you while you're a mage.

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That means... you're the king!

This time around, jobs were better defined, so it didn't feel like the only thing each job had going for it was a different set of equipment.  You could level up a job and gain special skills which you could then add to your character whenever they wanted to change a job, but still do what they'd been doing before.  For instance, once they've learned the ability to cast up to level 3 white mage spells, they could equip that in their spare skill slot, change jobs, and become a Dragoon that can cast white magic.  Certain jobs let you learn how to equip certain pieces of equipment no matter which job you are, so that you could equip axes and shields when you're a Black Mage, or you could equip spears as a spoony Bard.

The last time Square used the job system, the party required a wagon full of equipment, which had to be carried around, somehow, in your pockets.  This is once again the case, yet with skills such as the aforementioned Equip Spears, you don't have to carry around a separate set of equipment if you don't want to.  Also, inventory space has been expanded enough that you probably won't run out of space for your stuff.  As such, the chubby chocobo does not make an appearance this time around (and won't until the 7th game, as a random variation on the Chocobo summon).  Having to carry around a large inventory is no longer a problem as long as you have space in your deep pockets (which are obviously bigger on the inside than they appear on the outside).

Just like before, spells are bought in shops, but they won't set you back too much, of course.  However, money seems to be harder to acquire in this game, as are experience points.  I wasn't kidding when I said this was a difficult game.

ff05-03.png
Been spending so much time underground
I guess my eyes adjusted
To the lack of light


Some things change, yet some things stay the same.  For instance, the Active Time Battle system is back and doesn't go through any significant changes.  The only real difference is that this time around an ATB meter is present, to show you when your turn has come up.  The enemy's bar is kept hidden, which is probably for the best, since two sets of ATB bars on the screen might be a little confusing for some players.

What struck me in the opening was that it was as close to a movie-style opening as I'd seen in a video game created up to that point.  Granted, pretty much every Final Fantasy to come after it would blow it out of the water (quite literally, with Final Fantasy X), but the combination of music and graphics in the beginning of V was amazing enough for me to consider it one of the best openings out of any game on the SNES.  Not only that, but the graphics in the game would continue to impress me, despite being not too much of an upgrade over IV's graphics.  As for music, I loved some of the songs much better than the songs in IV, and some... not so much.  But the opening song and Dear Friends are some of my favourite Final Fantasy songs of all time.  Still, the music is a mixed bag.

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I'm king of the worlds!
(Spoiler: this is not a typo.)


The story itself relies on the old trope of a sealed away evil that must be stopped for good this time, because the seals keeping him at bay are breaking and sealing him away probably won't work again this time.  As such, each of four crystals have begun to shatter.  Given that crystals have been present in the series from the very start, it's like the developers themselves wanted to be free of the crystals, so in this game, they shattered them completely in a kind of symbolic gesture.  Anyway, the game follows sort of a linear story, but there are parts where you have to explore and find the next piece of story, kind of like in II and III.  Myself, I prefer both linear stories and worlds to explore, so it doesn't matter which kind of game it is, but your own mileage may vary.

Unlike in IV, playable characters don't come and go as they please.  In fact, there is only one roster change in the entire game, and it centers around a character sacrifice and death that easily outdoes Aeris's in VII.  There has, in this series, only been one character who has managed to remain in battle after being reduced to 0 HP, and you meet them in this game.

I've probably played this the least out of all the games in the series, and this is a shame, for it is one of the better ones (however, I say that about most of them, save for II).  I think I beat it only twice so far.  But anyway, it was at this point that the developers began to show that they were willing to push the envelope and take their games in directions that had never been seen before.

(Oh, and as a side note: I can't think of a single princess that gets kidnapped in this game.  I wonder if Butz would've been a bad enough dude to rescue her.)

ff05-05.png
"I don't know..."
"It sure is brown..."
"...and moist."
"Kinda solid, too."


Other releases:
PlayStation - Final Fantasy V, 1998; Final Fantasy Collection (with Final Fantasy IV & Final Fantasy VI), 1999; Final Fantasy Anthology (with Final Fantasy VI), 1999
Game Boy Advance - Final Fantasy V Advance, 2006

To be continued...
Note: screen shots are from a fan translated version of the SNES release

Final Fantasy IV -- Rough Sailing For The Red Wings

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North Americans were lucky.  Back in the early 90's, after the debut of the SNES, and not long after the original Final Fantasy was finally brought over the Pacific, the official translation of Final Fantasy II was canceled, in favour of an official translation of Final Fantasy IV.  The good news is, we dodged a pretty horrible bullet and got a decent game out of it, too.  The bad news is, we ended up with a not-as-horrible bullet instead.

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There's a Visine for that.

Final Fantasy IV, the version that was originally presented to North America, had its flaws.  The version we got was stripped of much of its personality and was instead a bland and uninteresting experience.  Not to say that it wasn't an improvement over the NES iterations, but that judgment can only really be said about the aesthetics.

For instance, the SNES could produce better sound than the NES, and so the aural quality of Nobuo Uematsu's tunes improved significantly.  One of the downsides to the NES was that, when you went to a menu or selected something that made a noise, the sound effect would often interrupt one of the sound channels that was trying to play the music.  It made for a weird listening experience.  The SNES, just being the SNES, improved upon this muchly, and it made listening to games a much more pleasant experience.  Nobuo's compositions didn't suddenly get better, but they were much more listenable.

A better colour palette was also present on the SNES, capable of showing more colours than the NES, and so the graphics in Final Fantasy IV looked a lot better just by being on the SNES.  Final Fantasy III may have had an awesome-looking ending, but Final Fantasy IV had an awesome-looking everything.  By today's standards, and even by Final Fantasy VI's standards, IV is on the less impressive side of the spectrum, but when it was released, it was one of the better looking games out there.

North Americans got to skip over two Final Fantasies, so for them, the jump from I to IV brought with it a significant jump in quality, and was their first exposure to a more linear narrative in an RPG.  Whereas you could still explore around in Dragon Warrior IV and hunt down the story yourself, Final Fantasy IV chose to have your characters conform to a more rigid story, and often they would enter and leave your party quite suddenly and at seemingly random times, depending on the requirements of the plot and the number of characters still waiting in the wings.  Unfortunately, justification for these departures seemed a little on the thin side, at least for the North American release.  For the Japanese playing the original version (and North Americans playing later versions of the game), the story made more sense.

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Hi, I'm a Mac

One example that caused me to initially hate the game was when the walls of Baron Castle were about to close in on the party and crush them.  The twins, Porom and Palom quickly get into position to hold the walls back and turn themselves into stone statues.  This serves to effectively stop the walls from moving any further.  In the original North American translation, this is considered a permanent sacrifice.  In other words, they're never coming back, they're dead, they've become solid stone forever.  Except they did come back.  Apparently it's only permanent until their mentor comes along and turns them back.  By then, the wall trap was probably disarmed or something.

The rapid way that characters would depart from your party was a source of frustration for me.  Hey look, it's a mage who has amnesia, and he's just cured it!  Now he's an effective caster of spells for your party... except now he's dead.  Okay.  Hey look, it's a mage who can use both black and white spells, and who can also summon chocobos!  Oh, wait, she just fell overboard, and I just lost another party member because he dove after her to try to save her, and a third is missing.  At least my best friend is dependable in a pinch... and there he goes, betraying me and taking my white mage with him.  No, wait, he's back.  No, wait, he's betrayed me again.  Hey, let's forgive him one more time, even though he's going to betray me again.  Yep, he did it again.

ff04-03.png
So they all dropped their pants.

Game play in Final Fantasy IV was very different on the SNES than it was on the NES.  In all three games on the NES, you had to buy all your spells.  In IV, you learned spells and skills at certain levels.  All of a sudden, leveling up was useful for more than just a gain in HP and MP and an extra random point in something else.  As such, you could theoretically, if you were patient enough, obtain the most powerful spells early on in the game.  It removed an element of strategy from the game, although the revolving door your party members kept on entering and exiting would cause you to develop strategies to compensate for who and what you do and don't have at any particular moment.  It was like the simplified skill-learning system compensated for the unreliability of your party members.

As for the battle system, Square got a little creative and chose to add an action element to the turn-based battle system they liked using on the NES.  IV was the debut of the Active Time Battle, where time flowed normally, and characters would be able to take commands at certain times determined by a hidden meter.  Depending on the speed of the character, it would fill quickly for some and more slowly for others.  Enemies also had their own meters, although some of them possessed meters that were so slow, you could wipe out entire groups of early-level monsters without taking a single point of damage from any of them.  It was supposed to make battles feel a little more frantic and give the player a rush that straight turn-based battles couldn't.  For the most part, it worked.  Suddenly, that character who was just knocked down to 1 HP was more of a priority for healing...

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The King is living large and stepping easy! He has a new big spring of confidence and a generous swelling of pride. And the one thing every man deserves: A little well-earned respect from the neighborhood.

One thing that IV introduced was the ability to save your game in special designated save spots in dungeons, a convenience that the first three games in the series didn't have.  Although this served to make the game easier, it helped to improve the overall pace of the game.  You were no longer frantically rushing back to town for more items because you were out of healing spells and potions, since you could simply use a tent about halfway through the dungeon and restore your HP and MP (and despite how horrible II was, the single MP stat that II tried out was brought back in IV, and was back for good, permanently replacing the multi-tiered magic system in I and III).  Speaking of items, the Chubby Chocobo was back, although you didn't really need him as long as you sold off all the weapons you no longer needed.  Most weapons were restricted in use, and could only be given to one or two characters, and when better equipment came along, you could simply sell off the older stuff.  Inventory space was still limited, but there wasn't as much of an emphasis on carrying around many different sets of equipment as there was in III.

I don't know whether it was done on purpose or if it was just an error in programming, but you could buy more than 99 of any particular item, and any overflow would carry over to the next item slot.  You could suddenly fill your inventory with thousands of Potions or Ethers if you needed to venture into a very hard dungeon at any time during the game.  Of course, you could easily afford it by the end of the game.

In the end, it's a good thing that this game was ported to another system and retranslated, because a game like this deserves to be experienced in as close to its original form as possible.  Originally, I may have hated it, but I'm glad I gave it another chance.  If you've not played it yet, there are at least three different versions that should still be available for purchase, including a straight port with a better translation, a retooled port with an even better translation, and a complete remake with the best translation yet (although all three manage to keep the immortal line, "You spoony bard!").  Fortunately, the days of poor translations are long over.

Oh, wait...

ff04-05.png
Chocobo porn!

Also available on:

PlayStation - Final Fantasy IV, 1997; Final Fantasy Collection (with Final Fantasy V & Final Fantasy VI), 1999; Final Fantasy Chronicles (with Chrono Trigger), 2001

Lavos is Weak Against Girls With Glasses
There were only really three new features to this port.  The first was that it came with a brand new translation that brought it closer to the Japanese version than the SNES translation was.  It also restored the "hardtype" version rather than use an easier version developed for North Americans who seemed to be seen as being inferior to Japanese gamers, for some reason.  The second was that it included some kind of basic-looking FMV, which looked about on par with the FMV used in Final Fantasy VII.  The third is that the North American release came bundled with Chrono Trigger, which itself received a plethora of bonus features, all of which were overshadowed by its poorly executed port.  Unfortunately, Chrono Trigger on the PlayStation suffered from a massive loading time issue that most of the other games didn't have, which rendered the game very frustrating to play.  Final Fantasy IV's port fared better, but it's probably not worth buying if you just want to play the one game.  You're better off buying the DS or GBA versions if you want to do that.  As for Chrono Trigger, there's a better version out for the DS, too.

Game Boy Advance - Final Fantasy IV Advance, 2005

Hey, I Have An Idea!  Let's Add A Dungeon To This Old Game and Release It As A Brand New Game!
When Final Fantasy IV came out again for the GBA in 2005, it was given its own separate release, without having Chrono Trigger tag along and drag it down.  It could stand on its own again and shine, and... it didn't quite shine.  The translation was even better than the one on the PS1, but it was the battle system where the GBA version dropped the ball.  An ATB bar was added so you could see what was going on, which brought the game more in line with the sixth game in the series.  This was, however, a bad thing, since it clearly showed the battle system's horrible glitch.  Sometimes a character's turn would be skipped entirely, sometimes a character would be given up to three turns right after each other.  It was an ATB system gone completely insane.  Whether this was because the GBA couldn't handle a five character battle system, or whether this was because of bad programming, I do not know.  All I know is, it was a detriment to an otherwise well executed port.

One added element to the GBA port was a series of bonus dungeons meant to allow the "second half" of your party to gain the weapons and armour they would've had if they were part of the original storyline's ending sequence.  Due to the way the system was originally set up, only five of the characters in the game were supposed to be available to fight against the final boss, but in the GBA version, you could take any character who was still alive with you.  Thus, those other characters were given their own dungeon and set of special final equipment.  Also, another bonus dungeon was created for the game to give the veteran Final Fantasy player even more to enjoy.  Otherwise, if you've played the game already, this version is only good if you don't already own a copy of the game on another system.

DS - Final Fantasy IV DS, 2007

Speak, Boy!
Have you ever wanted to hear the characters from Final Fantasy IV talk?  Well, now you can!  Final Fantasy IV on the DS, released just two years after the GBA version (honestly, did we need another version of the game so soon?) includes voice acting, among other things.  In fact, the DS version acts like a full blown remake instead of just a straight port.  This version deserves its own review, as the game was changed so much that it could count as an entirely new game, except for the story of course.

Everything was overhauled.  The graphics, the sound, the battle system, everything.  Even a character's experience table was messed around with.  Nothing was sacred (except for the spoony bard line).  Some things... came out a little embarrassing.  The in-game sprites for Dark Knight Cecil and Dragoon Kain both look like gay ballet dancers in tights.  It's no wonder they were best friends.  And yet Kain still betrays Cecil in order to take Rosa for himself at one point in the game.  Ouch.  One can bet Cecil started a lot of Internet drama over that one...

Other releases:
Wonderswan Color - Final Fantasy IV, 2002
Wii Virtual Console - 2009

The adventure continues:
Japanese cell phones - Final Fantasy IV: The After, 2008
WiiWare - Final Fantasy IV: The After Years, 2009

To be continued...
bleachmovie2.jpg


Two years ago I found myself excited to see BLEACH The Movie: Memories of Nobody, but after watching the film several times over I found myself underwhelmed by the story. Since then I've come to expect very little from BLEACH movies and shonen anime movie adaptations in general. I found myself so uninterested that it took exactly a year to actually watch BLEACH: The DiamondDust Rebellion after I downloaded the fan subs. It wasn't until the current domestic release of The DiamondDust Rebellion on DVD that I found the motivation to watch the movie. I wouldn't call it a great movie but compared to Memories of Nobody the plot, characters and in some cases, the animation, are an excellent improvement. Now I find myself rather disappointed that I didn't take the time to see and perhaps review it a year ago, because the second BLEACH movie is quite good despite some shortcomings. 

In the overall BLEACH anime storyline The DiamondDust Rebellion takes place between seasons seven and nine. In the World of the Living members of the Soul Society's royal family are transporting an important artifact known as the King's Seal. Tenth Squad captain Toushiro Hitsugaya, along with his lieutenant, Rangiku Matsumoto, and various squad members are charged with making sure the procession arrives at its destination safely. Unfortunately, the procession never arrives with the King's Seal as they are attacked and nearly wiped out by two female arrancar. Hitsugaya personally takes part in the fight against the powerful women until he's stabbed by another foe wearing a Hollow mask. He clashes swords with the masked man and manages to get a glimpse of his face before the fight ends. Suddenly, the 10th Squad captain goes silent and turns to give Matsumoto a pained look of sadness before pursuing the masked man and the stolen King's Seal.


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This line turned out to be so true given this film's liberal use of flashbacks. And now for a shameless plug-- visit our BLEACH the Movie 2 gallery here.

The next day Ichigo Kurosaki happens upon the scene of the massacre and artifact theft while out making his rounds as a Substitute Soul Reaper. He meets up with the captain of the 2nd Squad, Soi Fong, who begrudgingly fills him in on some of the details. After the 2nd Squad leaves Ichigo is joined by his Quincy rival and friend, Uryuu Ishida. As Ichigo tells Uryuu of what he learned an injured and barely conscious Hitsugaya stumbles in front of them and collapses. Meanwhile in the Soul Society, the 10th Squad is put under house arrest as their captain did not return after the fight and has gone missing. Matsumoto feels as if Hitsugaya had some kind of connection with the masked man and implores Renji Abarai, and Rukia Kuchiki to look into the matter for her.

Meanwhile, an unconscious Hitsugaya dreams about his past when he was still a student learning to become a Soul Reaper. There he meets and becomes fast friends with a slightly older boy. The dream ends on a disturbing note as the boy is executed by the Soul Society right in front of his eyes. In the World of the Living, Hitsugaya regains consciousness in Ichigo's room. Without saying much to Ichigo, Hitsugaya returns to sleep and sneaks out the next morning, leaving his captain's haori behind.


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Yeah, Hitsugaya is just a jerk like that... Then again, it isn't hard to make Ichigo angry.

Ichigo isn't easily fooled and attempts to stop Hitsugaya from leaving. It's then that Ichigo utters the name "Kusaka," and demands to know if it has any connection to the stolen King's Seal. Hitsugaya then attacks Ichigo without warning and sends the Substitute Soul Reaper reeling. (At this point the name "Kusuka" was never actually mentioned by anyone. How did Ichigo learn of it? The audience is simply left to assume Hitsugaya uttered it while unconscious. This is a minor plot hole but it is an annoying one.) Before Ichigo can recover he's attacked by the same two arrancar women responsible for stealing the King's Seal. During the attack he blacks out and when he wakes up Hitsugaya is gone. Instead he finds Renji and Rukia, and they inform him of the situation with the now rogue 10th Squad captain. Ichigo mentions the name Kusaka and returns Hitsugaya's discarded haori to Renji and Rukia. Renji then returns to the Soul Society to find out about Kusaka.

In the World of the Living Hitsugaya continues to wander the streets alone, even as Ichigo and friends search for him. In the Soul Society, Renji passes on the name Kusaka, and with help begins to research the name. A few Soul Reapers discover the importance of Kusaka's name when all information pertaining to him is altered or missing. In the meantime, a group of Soul Reapers track down Hitsugaya and order him to return to the Soul Society. Instead the boy captain resists and attacks the squad, escaping with further injuries in the process. This act labels him a traitor and a swift order for his execution is given. At the same time Ichigo figures out why Hitsugaya has gone rogue and vows to find him before he's killed by the Soul Society.


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Talk about overkill. Someone's going to come home and find their house buried under all that purple ice.

All in all, The DiamondDust Rebellion is satisfying to watch. The plot is much more enjoyable and less predictable than Memories of Nobody. With that said, I did have a number of objections with the story largely centered on unresolved plot points. The biggest part of the story was poorly explained, or just outright unexplained. When Hitsugaya and Kusaka originally formed their zanpaktou (or swords) from their souls, they both ended up wielding Hyourinmaru. Was it implied their friendship was so close they ended up with the same powers? Was it just an amazing coincidence? Or a little bit of both? Did Hyourinmaru serve as one entity for two Soul Reapers or was he born twice from Hitsugaya and Kusaka's souls? Furthermore, why is such a thing frowned upon in the Soul Society? There was never any real evidence to suggest that two Soul Reapers having the same exact abilities was a problem. Since these little facts are a major driving force behind the movie I would have expected them to be better explained. Instead everything is largely left to audience speculation.

The rest of the movie is handled well, as battles are fast-paced and always fun to watch. A majority of the Soul Reaper cast makes an appearance in this film. Just like the first movie much of it is fan service, but because the story is better developed having multiple characters around no longer feels like simple pandering. Some fans may be disappointed by how slowly the first half of the movie unfolds versus the action-packed second half. I had no problems with the slower dialogue focused pacing, but your enjoyment may vary.


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We all know what captain Kyoraku is thinking here. He's really going to miss his favorite flowery kimono.

Character development was limited in this movie but at the very least everyone was in character. In a movie based on a popular action series it's rare to see any kind of character development at all. The movie did a nice job of exploring some of Hitsugaya's past while simultaneously revealing the lengths the young Soul Reaper will go in order to pursue his beliefs. At the same time Ichigo's received some development as he found himself most able to understand and relate to a forlorn Hitsugaya.


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We all know who's about to get owned. Sometimes the best way to talk to a friend is with your fist. (At least it is in anime.)

For the most part the animation was fluid and generally looked better than the anime series. Some scenes looked a bit strange with an animation quality on par with the regular series. Generally the animation started off very strong and then became weaker toward the end of the movie before regaining its quality. It wasn't a huge issue, but at times I found myself wondering if I'd really just sat through a movie that originally had a theatrical release. Shiro Sagisu returned to work on The DiamondDust Rebellion's musical score and as expected the instrumental songs are excellent. Orchestrated violin pieces help set the movie's more somber moods while action-themed guitar pieces highlighted the movie's numerous battle scenes. Of the music, the orchestrated violin score remained unique to the film. The rest of The DiamondDust Rebellion's score was incorporated into the anime starting with episode 168.

Because this review only covers the subtitled version of the movie I'm not able to comment on the dub-- as I was unable to a year ago with Memories of Nobody. All of the dub's voice actors reprise their roles for this film. So if you enjoy hearing the BLEACH anime in English the DiamondDust Rebellion is more of the same. If you dislike the dub, then you'll want to stick to the subtitled version of this film.


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Who knew a film that focused on Soul Society's most sulky character wandering around half-dead could be so interesting?

Film adaptations of popular anime series are rarely epic, and are often little more than an interesting side story or adventure. The DiamondDust Rebellion is certainly a little better than the average Shonen anime movie adaption, but it's far from being a masterpiece. If you hated the fairly predictable plot of Memories of Nobody the second BLEACH movie is a refreshing change of pace that occasionally keeps you guessing. The story and character development aren't completely focused on Toushiro Hitsugaya, making it a decent watch for anyone who's not a huge fan of the silver-haired Soul Reaper boy. But if you absolutely hate Hitsugaya as a character this movie may not be for you. For anyone else who follows BLEACH in some form on a regular or moderate basis The DiamondDust Rebellion is worth watching at least once. A major plot issue aside, this film rises beyond the typically low expectations of a Shonen anime film.
2 3 4  

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